The other day I bought a lottery ticket. The idea being that you select 6 numbers between 1 and 49. You buy a ticket for each draw. Then twice a week the organisers have a draw. If you get all six correct you can win a large sum of tax-free cash, often many millions of pounds. I don’t know what the odds of winning the main prize are but I’m sure that Abyssbrain or Steve Morris would be able to work it out using some complicated formula. All I know is it’s probably something like:
x-y= Dick, you have no fucking chance sunshine.
Anyway, I got 4 of the numbers correct and won 35 quid. Lucky man you may think but then PIL mentioned that if I had got all 6 I would have won £1.1 million! Unlucky then. Or was I? It got me thinking about being “lucky” and how it can be interpreted and as ever that meant having a little bit of research using the all round the world interweb thingy. During the course of my research I came across a couple of news items that I think demonstrate what I’m getting at.
On the 6th August 1945 a young Japanese ship designer called Tsutomu Yamaguchi was visiting Hiroshima on a business trip when suddenly there was a bright flash followed by a huge explosion and the building Mr. Yamaguchi was in fell over. The first ‘A’ bomb, “Little Boy”, had just gone off about 3 kilometers from where he had been standing. Despite serious burns to his upper body and a loss of hearing, Mr. Yamaguchi made his way to an air raid shelter where his burns were attended to. The following couple of days were spent trying to get back to his office to continue work. He eventually got back to his office in Nagasaki on the 9th August and was explaining to his boss what had happened when suddenly there was another bright flash, followed by another huge explosion and once again the building he was standing in fell over. The second ‘A’ bomb, “Fat Man”, had gone off about 3 kilometers from where he was standing. Mr. Yamaguchi received further burns but survived. Crikey! Unlucky or what? To get blown up by nuclear weapons twice in three days has got to be unlucky right? I don’t think so. I think he was a very lucky man. He eventually died of stomach cancer on the 4th January 2010 aged 93. Apart from the loss of hearing in his left ear and many years of treatment for his burns, he enjoyed “robust health”. He was married and had a son and a daughter and they probably had children of their own although I could find no reference to this. He enjoyed an active life and as you would expect, was a voracious campaigner against nuclear weapons. I’m sure he would have preferred not to have not been nuked at all and was probably unlucky to have it happen twice but in the overall scheme of things he survived and lived as full a life as he could. A lucky man.
A little while ago a Chinese chap, Fan Lung, a married father of five forgot to log out of his wife’s email account after sending his mistress a bit of a steamy email along with (allegedly) photos of his willy. As you can guess, his wife discovered this email with attached willy shots and went into a terrible rage. While Fan Lung slept she grabbed a pair of scissors and cut her husbands dick off! Luckily for Fan Lung the hospital he attended following this incident were able to re attach his appendage. However, Mrs. Lung who was still doing her nut about her husbands infidelity decided she wasn’t having this so she crept into the hospital, found her husband and promptly cut his dick off again, lobbing the offending member out of the hospital window. She then legged it, closely pursued by Fan Lung who was literally pissing blood and none too happy. He caught his wife outside the hospital and proceeded to beat her until hospital staff stopped him. A search for the missing penis was conducted but no trace of it was found. It was thought that while this Fan Lung bloke was beating his wife up, a stray cat or dog happened along and scoffed it! Lucky or unlucky? I don’t really give a shit. I have no time for men who beat women up so I’m glad he’ll not get his knob sewn back on again. I wish his wife had cut his balls off too and fed them to a nearby animal. To my way of thinking, Fan Lung is a nasty piece of work and deserved everything he got.
Anyway, have a perfectly splendid day.
More Dick soon. (Unless you’re Fan Lung of course)
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