Tag Archives: labrador

Dexter Does Himself A Mischief.

Dexter is our dog and an integral part of the family.1an29xzod1zo7

He is a bonkers dog. Today is his 4th birthday although to be honest we’re not exactly sure of his birth day only that he was probably born in February 2013. There are a lot of unknowns with Dexter. We got him from Battersea Dogs Home when he was about 6 months old. He is a mix of breeds. Battersea think he has a large chunk of Staffordshire Bull Terrier in his genes along with a fairly big chunk of Labrador plus a little bit of Lurcher thrown in. He also had the bollocks from a Giraffe. Boy, he had big balls. They made him walk like John Wayne after a long day in the saddle. They’re gone now though. He also has more energy than a nuclear power plant and he takes his self imposed duties as a guard dog very seriously. He barks at everyone who comes to the door and he barks at people walking down the road. When the family are home and some are downstairs and others are upstairs, he sits half way up the staircase on guard. Before he was restricted to the kitchen at night, he would lie at the top of the stairs watching the front door or lie down between two bedrooms but positioned so he could see the top of the stairs. As he is primarily black, it was dangerous to get up in the middle of the night to pay a visit to the toilet as he was impossible to see and easily tripped over.

His favourite thing though is walkies. He loves it. I put on my walking trousers. “Yay, it’s walkies.” I put on my old coat. “Yay, it’s walkies”. I get his lead and he goes bananas. We get to the fields and I let him off his lead and he goes nuts. He tears about all over the place.ghasjwgf1g5s

“Yay, rabbits. Chase rabbits.”

“Yay, pheasants. Chase pheasants.”

“Yay, a leaf. Chase leaf.”

“Yay, fox poo. Roll in fox poo.”

He runs and runs and runs.13yyrvjmsvmi9-4

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Then he’ll spend some time sniffing about. He never goes too far away. Having been abandoned as a puppy, he has abandonment issues still and likes to keep me in sight.1an29xzod1zo7-1

Eventually, we get home again and he collapses on his bed and sleeps for hours.ghasjwgf1g5s-1

Unfortunately, before Christmas, he tore the cruciate ligament in his left rear leg. It made him limp but it didn’t slow him down. Not knowing what was wrong and because he would only limp about for a few hours, we continued taking him out where he would tear arse about as usual. Eventually, we took him to the vet and the damage was diagnosed. Complete rest for a month. It drove him nuts. He’s been back for x rays. He fought against the anaesthetic and looked like he’d downed 10 pints of Stella with all the staggering around he did before finally succumbing to the drugs.

10 pints of Stella later

10 pints of Stella later

The x rays confirmed the diagnosis. Of course once we got him home again, he milked all the sympathy possible.13yyrvjmsvmi9

The vets had warned that his thermal controls would be affected for a good few hours so we had to ensure he didn’t get cold.13yyrvjmsvmi9-2

So on the 9th March, Dexter goes back to the vets for an operation that will hopefully solve the problem. Another two months of complete rest and recuperation follow the op’ and it will do two things. First and foremost it will drive him mad. Secondly, he’ll become a fat bastard dog. The latter won’t be a problem as once he is ok to go walkies again, he’ll ┬áburn it off in no time. In the meantime, Dexter occupies himself by chasing his tail. Mad bugger. I’ll let you know how he gets on.

Have a brilliant day.

More Dick soon.auto

We Just Looked

 

I had started to think that the other dog walkers considered me a bit of a weirdo. “Oh no! It’s that boring old fart who talks to the trees! I’ll pretend to be on my phone. He’ll get bored and go away.”10154113_623459451077541_1328958650979066160_n

Thinking about it, that’s probably exactly what they think but today I met a soul mate. She had a dog, she was out walkies but she didn’t have a phone. She had BINOCULARS! We had a conversation. She was called Amelia, her chocolate-brown labrador was called Willy (as in Wonka), she had only just moved to the area, she ran her own successful business from home. She was posh and very plummy. She took a break to take her dog for a walk every day and never took her phone with her. When I asked about that she replied, “Oh do fuck orf! My staff can manage without me for a couple of hours.” I liked her. We saw stuff, we shared her binoculars. We saw a Wren poking about in a tree, we saw and heard a Woodpecker doing that headbanger thing that Woodpeckers do. We concluded Woodpeckers have a Slipknot album playing on a continuous loop in their heads.

A heavy metal fan

A heavy metal fan

We saw Jays, Magpies, Blackbirds, Thrushes, Pheasants, pesky wabbits and a tiddly little mouse. We found Badger setts and pesky wabbit holes. There were countless seagulls circling overhead searching for freshly washed cars to crap on. Why is it that little birds never crap on your clean car? It’s always birds with cow-like arseholes.fly-dumbo-fly

Anyway, we saw dozens of clumps of wild primroses in flower and a copse full of wild garlic springing to life. The two photos below are ones that I took earlier today.20150312_113522

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Wild garlic growing nearby. The leaves are great to eat. Helps to avoid getting bruised necks too

I like garlic. I eat it to keep vampires away. It seems to work because I’ve never been attacked by a vampire let alone met one since I started to eat it. Mind you, I suspect that a girl I knew when I was a teenager might have been one because she was always attacking my neck. I think her fangs must have been blunt as she never drew blood but by Christ did she bruise my neck! My mum, when she spotted the bruises said I should be very careful as I might make her pregnant! That’s one of the things I loved about my mum. She was a fountain of wisdom and she was the holder of all knowledge in the known Universe. Until then I had never known how female vampires got pregnant. I thought baby vampires were found under a gooseberry bush like everyone else. Now I do know. They take a lump out of your throat and Bish Bash Bosh, nine months later you’re father to a baby vampire. Breast feeding that little sucker must be a nightmare! Be warned.vampire-roman

I digress.

So there you go. At least two people on this planet know that it won’t end if you don’t carry your phone everywhere with you. Three if you count my sister Boo but she doesn’t carry a phone with her anyway in case she falls over again and breaks it. You could also include PIL. She does carry a phone with her at all times but it’s at the bottom of her bag where she can’t hear or find it!

Try it. Go out for a stroll and look around. Leave your phone behind. I promise you the world will not end. Your company won’t go bust. Your wife/husband/whatever will not leave you. If, by some fluke, any of these things do happen though, don’t blame me. I’m just a lunatic who talks to the trees!

Have a fantastic day.

More Dick soon.

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