Tag Archives: Ed

Stitched Up Good and Proper.

Before I start on today’s post there are a couple of things that I’ve forgotten to write about in previous posts and I feel it necessary to cover these particular aspects of our holiday.

First of all, if you go to the Harry Potter part of Universal, be aware that Butter Beer tastes like…well, shit really! I have no idea what shit tastes like but if I was to take a guess then I would say shit tastes like Butter Beer or, if you prefer, what I said originally – Butter Beer tastes like shit.wwohp-butterbeer

All five of us tried it and the more profane of us concluded that it does indeed taste like shit while the females of the tribe declared their disgust for it in a slightly more lady like manner:

“Bloody disgusting.” said PIL.

“Foul, disgusting stuff.” said CJ.

“Tastes like shit.” said Ed.

“Ed!” said PIL

“Yeah. Tastes like shit.” said Greg

“Greg!” said PIL

“Fuckin’ horrible.” I said

“Dick!” said PIL

“Dad!” said CJ.

“Ok. Sorry.” I said. “Still tastes like shit though!”

“Dad!” said CJ

“Dad’s right.” said Ed. “It’s fuckin’ horrible.”

“Ed!” said PIL

“Ed!” said CJ

Anyway, as you can see, we didn’t like it. 5 out of 5 considered it foul. You may think differently but I would suggest that you buy ONE SMALL Butter Beer and try that before investing a shit load of money for a drink that in my opinion, tastes like shit.

Secondly, if you go to Typhoon Lagoon take your own music (phone or iPod) and good head phones . Unless you are a huge fan of 60s California surfing songs that blare out on a continuous loop that repeats every 2 hours, you will go nuts within hours because that’s all that’s played and you can only listen to “Daddy taking the T.Bird away” so many times.typoonlagoon

I wholeheartedly recommend both these places as tremendous fun and not to be missed but just be aware of what I’ve said here.

Today I started the day with another 1.2 mile run. This time CJ came with me as the lazy toad known as Greg was fast akip in his pit still. After breakfast and showers we headed off to Wet n’ Wild. We’ve never been here before so weren’t sure what to expect. We were not disappointed though. It was smashing. There were lots of water rides that the kids went on straight away while PIL and I sorted out the loungers and chairs and made like Germans by covering everything with towels. After about an hour the kids came back and started telling us about the rides they’d been on. They harped on about this ride called the H2O Disco ride and said it was great fun.Wet-N-Wild-Water-World-54698-735x400

“Dad. You really must have a go. It’s got really loud 1970s disco music playing the whole way down. You’ll love it(!!!!!)”

Eventually I agreed to have a go. Ed said he wasn’t going this time round as he wanted to top up his tan. He said it with a huge smile on his face. Greg and CJ were beaming too. ( I should have guessed something was afoot). So off we went and joined the end of the queue for this allegedly fantastic ride.

“So what happens?” I asked

“OH Dad it’s great. You get in this 4 person rubber ring thing and shoot off down the slide. Some of the time it’s in a dark tunnel thing and then it’s outside then it goes back inside the tunnel and finishes off in the pool. It’s great. You’ll love it.”

“Yeah Dad, and all the way down they play disco music really loudly.”

“But I don’t like disco music.” I said

“That’s ok Dad. It doesn’t matter. They only play it loud so no one can hear you screaming.”

“What?”

“Never mind Dad. We’re there now.”

“No” I responded. “What’s this about not hearing you scream?”

Whereupon the guard at the top of the ride gestured us forward ready to take our places in the rubber ring thingy.

“Right Dad. You stand on the number 1. We’ll stand on 3 and 4. That way the weight is evened out.”

“Cheeky bugger” I thought. “Why is the guard smiling like he’s just toked a whole spliff on his own?”

We got on. Then the ground suddenly disappeared from below us and we shot off somewhere. I was facing back up the ride throughout and a) had no idea what was happening until it happened to me, b) all I could see was Greg and CJ laughing their heads off and c) I was probably screaming like a girl but due to the VERY loud 1970s disco music, I couldn’t be sure.BombBay2

Finally, after what felt like an hour or so we ended up in the pool at the end of this ridiculous water slide thing. The kids were wetting themselves with laughter. I was so exhausted from all the screaming I’d screamed that they had to help me out of the pool and escort me back to PIL and Ed. PIL had a huge grin on her face so it was fairly obvious that Ed had told her what was going to happen. The buggers had conspired on the way back earlier to stitch me up like a kipper and they had. There I was thinking that PIL and I had succeeded as parents in bringing up three civilised human beans. Wrong!

Today is our last full day in Florida as we catch the evening flight back to the UK tomorrow. Ed, Greg and I are finishing off the beer before going to bed. PIL has drunk the last of the wine and gone to bed.

We have had a truly wonderful time. We will return again soon. Next time though, we may not have all the kids with us. Ed is 22 now, finished Uni and about to start work. He may decide that he wants to holiday elsewhere with other people. We shall see. Greg is 18. He’s about to start Uni. Who knows what he will decide. CJ will come with us though as she’s still not old enough to holiday alone. I hope that our kids will all join us on holiday again. PIL and I love having them around. They are great company (somewhat annoying at times though) and both PIL, CJ and I will miss them.

Have a great day.

More Dick soon.

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There’s a Snake in my Pool!

Monday:

Another one of my favourite places. Magic Kingdom.tribeatmagic

We love it here. There is always so much going on. We took the ferry boat over. Forewarned by SDG we walked straight past “It’s a Small World” but still ended up either singing or humming that bloody song 30 seconds after walking past. We continued humming it intermittently for the rest of the day and the day after. And because SDG is naughty and has reminded me of it over the past couple of days, I’m still humming it now! PIL and I didn’t go on the Cup and Saucer ride as we’d planned but we had plenty of others to go on. Probably our favourite is the Buzz Lightyear one.Buzz Lightyear

We went on this ride three or four times during the day.

Greg looking smug with CJ  photo-bombing.

Greg looking smug with CJ photo-bombing.

Greg, as with all the other similar kinds of rides, came away with the highest score every time. Smug little bugger. We had tried to book lunch at the Crystal Palace but all the times got booked up before we had the chance. We took pot luck and rocked up anyway and after a 30 minute wait, we were in. This is an all you can eat buffet place. A mistake for all of us as none of us has any self control in these circumstances. The great thing about this place though is that Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Piglet and Eeyore wander around so you can have your photo taken with them.

Kids and Tigger

The kids loved it. PIL got a huge hug from Tigger.mumandtigger

All in all another fantastic day full of fun and food! As you can see though, it’s jolly hard work wandering around Disney theme parks and keeping your 100% highest score record on the Buzz Lightyear ride.

Enjoying yourself is such hard work.

Enjoying yourself is such hard work.

We got back home and jumped into the pool for yet more volleyball antics and for me to be berated once again for being rubbish. (They forget that an awful amount of effort is required to move the amount of blubber that I carry around these days.)

Tuesday:

Not a day of rest but I went for another short run at the start of the day. Once again, Greg joined me. By the time we’re leaving for home I may well be able to run the whole distance. After breakfast, we jumped in the massive vehicle and drove off to Typhoon Lagoon.typhoon_lagoon_03

We arrived just as it opened so we found ourselves a nice spot and settled in for the day. The kids went on some of the rides they have here but spent most of their time in the main pool where they let loose a big wave on a regular basis. Today it seemed to be every 3 or 4 minutes. Everyone in the pool is there for the big wave and they know it’s coming and yet when it does, they all scream! I spent a good while in there too but got hit by a massively obese fat woman and it bloody hurt, so rather than smack her in the mouth I decided to catch some rays instead. I am nothing if not a gentleman. The kids did some snorkelling in the shark pool. They took the GoPro camera with them. Ed only nearly drowned twice using it.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

While we were there a huge thunderstorm arrived. The park authorities announced that all the rides were closed, everyone should get out of the water and take shelter. So we did and then the heavens opened! Some people left but we decided to stay as it cost a shed load of money and we were determined to get our moneys worth! Soon the sun came out again, we found ourselves another spot and spent another few hours burning to a crisp as us Brits tend to do whenever the sun comes out. Apart from a hot dog we didn’t eat all day and waited until we got home before cooking ourselves a meal for a very pleasant change.

Wednesday:

Greg still hasn’t found a 76ers shirt and to be honest, I’m still looking for a “Hare Jordan” tee shirt in my size. (Under Armour also do a fantastic sleeveless hoodie that I was looking for in my size too.) We’d had two days of parks and it is unbelievably tiring to lounge around all day in a water park so we decided to shop again. This time we went to the Florida Mall. we’d not been here before and as it had a great many sports shops we were hopeful of finding what we were after. All the while we were there, PIL was shopping on line! The Next sale had started back in the UK and she was NOT going to miss out on bargains from her favourite store! I have no idea what she got but it may have included a wardrobe, a chest of drawers, several lights and even some clothes. We walked into a multitude of shops, possibly as many as 20,000. Well, that’s what it felt like. None carried a 76ers shirt. Greg is now going to wait until later in the year when the new season starts to get a new shirt on line. We couldn’t find the sleeveless hoodie from UA either. However, Ed, Greg, CJ and PIL did buy a great many other items of clothing. I found a “Hare Jordan” tee in my size!!!

My Hare Jordan tee

My Hare Jordan tee

For lunch we went to the food hall in the mall and demolished several chickens and very scrummy they were too.e0202b80222d3c2a221fa59d2fa1431c

After going into several shops we had already been in earlier we decided to depart and go home. When we got back, no one felt particularly hungry which, thinking about it, is hardly surprising. None of us has eaten so much in such a short time. After an hour of relaxing we decided to punish me again and play some more volletball in the pool. Greg, while preparing the pool, ie taking all the lilos, beach balls and sundry other junk out of the pool, flicked something or other and a snake fell out into the pool. Panic reigned again although I have to say Greg was a lot better this time. He scooped the snake out of the pool and kept it close by while I went and got a bag to put it in.

Sam the Snake

Sam the Snake

We let Sam out in some shrubs outside the pool area and then went off to check what kind of snake he is. He has a red belly so I had a slight concern Sam might be poisonous. Turns out Sam is a harmless Florida Ring Necked Snake. We had just got ourselves back in the pool when PIL moved a seat to sit on and watch. And what should drop off the chair? Another bloody snake! It was another Ring Neck so we chucked it out in the shrubs with the others. We decided this one was female and called her Sally. The bio on these snakes did say that if you find one, it’s likely you will find more.ringnecksnakewhole463_000

After checking all the pool furniture several times until PIL was happy that no more snakes were hiding there, we got back in the pool. Whereupon CJ looked into the filter section on the pool wall to see yet another snake wriggling around and joining us in the pool. Simone the Snake was taken out of the pool and put in the shrubs with all the others. We have been to this part of Florida several times over the years and we have never seen a snake before. Lizards yes but never any snakes (although I have seen them out on the Golf course but kept quiet about it).ringnecksnakeheadagainstafinger463

Eventually, it all settled down and we had a good hour in the pool playing volleyball. I was utter crap again apparently.

It’s off to Wet n’ Wild tomorrow. Another water park where we can get wet, scorch our skin and chill out. I’ll be going for a run first though.

Have a great day. We’ve had loads.

More Dick soon.

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Ye Gods. I Have Stretch Marks!

 

Saturday:

Today we visit one of my favourite places: Animal Kingdom.

Rhino

hippo

Gorilla

Added to which is a visit to The Rainforest Cafe for lunch!Rainforest1

I really do like Animal Kingdom. PIL and the kids do too. Travelling around the park in a truck on a pretend safari is great fun. You can get very close to the animals. In fact, this time we were within 10 feet of a rhino, a fantastic experience. There are lions, elephants, giraffes, warthogs, hippos and all kinds of deer and antelope. Once you’ve done that, you can wander around different parts of the park to see other animals. PIL has a particular soft spot for gorillas and once again we were fortunate to get close to a female and its baby albeit behind a glass screen and further on we saw a number of males. In another area we saw tigers, although they were some distance away. It was fantastic and we had a great time. Lunch was booked at the Rainforest Cafe and once again the food was great and the portions stupendous. The skin around my tummy is feeling quite tight now.

After eating far too much again I decided an afternoon nap was in order

After eating far too much again I decided an afternoon nap was in order

We got back to the house tired and still stuffed with food but we managed to jump into the pool for a game of volleyball where I was, once again, berated by Greg for being rubbish.

Sunday:

All these theme parks are bloody exhausting so once again we had a day off. Once again I went for a run although I was joined by Greg this time.

Jesus. Running is hard work!

Jesus. Running is hard work!

I suspect that PIL may have had a word and suggested he volunteer to come with me in case I had a coronary. This time I ran a bit further and walked a bit less although the overall distance was the same. Greg finished as fresh as a daisy while I was a sweaty, dishevelled, breathless mess.

“Come on Dad! It’s all down hill now.”

Fuck off” I thought as speech was impossible.

“Nearly there now Dad. Probably about 300 metres to go.”

Fuck off” I thought again as I was still unable to speak, breath and run at the same time.

“Here we go Dad. Only seven more houses to go.”

My thought processes had ended  round the corner and I was on autopilot so thought nothing at all but I made it back.

We showered and guess what? We went shopping again but before we did, we had a mess around in the pool and spent some time catching some rays. While I was doing my imitation of a beached whale PIL called out to me:

“Er. Can you come here for a moment? Like now!”

So I struggled to an upright position and walked over to the house and there, standing on the arm of a sofa was PIL. On the floor, inside the house was a snake! The kids,hearing us talking, came to join us and immediately leapt onto the sofa with PIL. Now I don’t have a problem with snakes. In fact, as a child I used to keep snakes, lizards, frogs and toads but they were British snakes and we only have one poisonous snake and I know what that looks like. We’re in the United States and there are many venomous snakes here, none of which I recognise. I persuaded Ed and Greg to get off the sofa and get me one of the many shopping bags we had or a shoe box so that I could capture Sid the Snake and chuck him outside where he could slide off and live happily ever after.

Sid the Snake

Sid the Snake

Sid was soon placed in a very posh Michael Kors bag and then put into some shrubs outside where hopefully he met Sandra the Snake, they married, had hundreds of baby snakes and lived happily ever after. Greg has a mate who is into snakes in a big way so we checked with him and Googled snakes. Turned out Sid is a Garter snake and completely harmless.

Sid the Garter snake

Sid the Garter snake

Strict instructions from PIL were issued: DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, LEAVE THE PATIO DOORS OPEN.

We left and went shopping. Greg is desperate to find a Philadelphia 76ers NBA vest.

Photo courtesy of: Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

Photo courtesy of: Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

None of the sports shops seem to stock it. They stock all the other NBA shirts plus all the college shirts but not the 76ers. Greg says it’s because they’re crap which, in turn, is why he follows them! Odd logic but sound in his mind I’m sure.

We returned home again without a 76ers shirt once again. We had a meal while we were out and had gone to the Publix supermarket to buy more essentials – beer and donuts again. As the rest of the family unloaded the massive vehicle, I went and opened the front door and as I returned to help bring the shopping in, I had an overwhelming desire to indulge in my sister Boos favourite pastime and for no reason whatsoever I fell over! (Actually, I stumbled on the path and went down like a sack of poo). The impact was impressive. While I was down on the deck PIL made an observation:

“You need to cut back on your food intake. You have stretch marks!” (Offering me absolutely no assistance in my efforts to get vertical again.)

“Nonsense.” I replied while desperately trying to regain my feet and look to see if I really do have stretch marks.

“I merely have a stripey tan effect in the region of my stomach caused by an almighty overhang. I could do with a hand here.”

“Whatever. Looks like stretch marks to me you fat bastard. You look like a bloody turtle on its back” (Still offering no assistance.)turtle1

“Charming. I’ll have you know that mountaineers live in fear of that overhang and a great deal of good (and not so good) food and gallons of beer have been consumed to achieve that effect.”turtle

“That’s as maybe but you still have stretch marks. No more donuts for you Sonny Jim.”

By this time I had assumed a more or less upright position and decided to keep quiet. There is no photographic evidence that I can show you as a) it’s far too disgusting and b) it’s far too gloomy down there.

It’s Magic Kingdom tomorrow, so we have an early start and after having a few beers we went to bed after another great and very full day.

Have a great day.

More Dick soon.auto

Holiday report II

We are still here. The authorities have not deported us yet. Of course just because we are on holiday doesn’t mean that the rest of our world stops. Upon our arrival PIL decided we should eat more healthily. In America? Land of the ginormous portions? Yep. PIL decided that both Ed and I should stop taking sugar in our tea. The only sugary things in the house are Krispy Kreme donuts that we hide in the shopping trolley every time we go to the supermarket. PIL gets the serious hump about it and gets really annoyed if we eat one.

PIL

PIL

And really, really ticked off when we leave the empty box in the fridge!

While we’ve been here Ed received notification of his degree result. On tuesday 21st July he will graduate from the University of East Anglia with a 2:1 in Business Management. PIL and I are chuffed to bits. Ed’s pretty happy too! We will be at his graduation ceremony and we will undoubtedly have a bit of a cry.

Wednesday:

Today we descended upon the other part of Universal Studios: Islands of Adventure.Island of Adventure

This is where Harry Potter, Ron and Hermione hang out.Harry Potter

There’s other stuff as well but we decided to get Hogwarts out the way before it got packed. (And boy, did it get packed!) Here you can buy a complete Hogwarts school uniform and people did. You can buy all kinds of wands and people did and then stood practicing casting spells with their new wands. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that they were just pieces of stick that some enterprising bloke had picked up off the forest floor and no matter how well they waggled their wand they would not ever cast a spell because it’s not real. Any story where a ginger kid has two mates has got to be fantasy. We went on rides and walked hither and whatever the other word is that goes with hither. We scoffed about two cows worth of meat

Our lunch

Our lunch

and two acres worth of spuds converted into chips, drank drink until we could drink drink no more. It was blinking hot. We had a great time again.

Thursday:

Blizzard Beach. This is a great water park. It has the most frightening water slide ever.

The "Crap Your Pants" water slide at Blizzard Beach. I think Disney call it something else.

The “Crap Your Pants” water slide at Blizzard Beach. I think Disney call it something else.

Not only does this ride scare the crap out of you it does two other things:

1. It gives you a huge wedgy that takes for ever to pull your trunks out of your bottom as the crotch of your trunks is up around your tonsils and

2. It gives you a dreadful enema if you’re not careful. Fortunately, Disney has realised this and has a great many rest rooms nearby.

I did not go on this slide. It takes an eternity to walk up about a gazillion steps to get there and I could not be arsed. The kids did though and loved every second of it. However, Blizzard Beach does have a lot of other water features and slides most of which we went on. The best is a very pleasant and gentle meander in a rubber ring around the whole site called Cross Country Creek. We all went on that several times during the day.

Cross Country Creek

Cross Country Creek

We chomped our way through a least one cow, a sheep and a pig during our visit. We returned home to our house on the golf course completely knackered, bloated and very content.

Friday:

Supposedly a day of rest. So, in keeping with our new found desire to become fit and healthy human beans, I got up and went for a run.portrait of a mid adult man jogging in a park

Two strides into the run I realised I’d made a mistake. I am not as young, fit and supple as I used to be. My knees are a mess and the extra weight I now carry around certainly doesn’t help. So for the outward leg of my run it was a case of brisk walk, slow staggering run, brisk walk, slow staggering run etc etc. The inward bound part of the run was a non stop run all the way home. Total distance covered 12 miles. Ooops. Missed the decimal point! 1.2 miles. They say every journey starts with a single step and how I wish it had only been a single step!homer_running

After breakfast, Greg and I went for a haircut and on the way, we sorted out tee times for another round of golf. At 10.04 precisely, the boys teed off.

Ed tees off

Ed tees off

After watching their previous round, I was not expecting great things and both PIL and I were not disappointed. They were bloody awful again. The thing is, despite not being very good at golf they are ultra, ultra competitive and got more and more frustrated as they went around the course.Todd3

Some of the conversations they had with each other made PIL and I crack up:

“What are using for this hole?”

“Last time at this hole I used a 9 iron and hit someones house, so I think I’ll use a 5 iron this time.”

“O. Good idea. I hit  a house at the tenth so I’ll do the same as you I think.”

Whereupon, they both sprayed their balls in all kinds of weird, indiscriminate directions, not necessarily in the direction they wanted them to go.

Balls were lost never to be seen again.

Gregs second shot at the ninth

Gregs second shot at the ninth

Some, however, were seen more often than the lads liked.

Er. Sorry mate. The ball is still at your feet

Er. Sorry mate. The ball is still at your feet

Usually, you can see the ball flying through the air but as they were travelling in completely unpredictable directions, we never actually saw them. Some shots whizzed off into the distance about 3 feet off the ground. Others shot off fifty feet into the air but at 50 degrees to the intended direction. Hopefully, they will play another round before we leave. PIL, CJ and I enjoyed it even if Ed and Greg didn’t.

Then we went shopping again. I actually managed to buy not one but two hats that fit on my buffalo sized head.buffalohead

The kids think I’m bonkers because they say my hats are basically the same but as I like to point out, one is Adidas and the other is Under Armour so they are completely different.

My new Adidas hat which is completely different from....

My new Adidas hat which is completely different from….

My new Under Armour hat

My new Under Armour hat

During the course of the day we managed to eat a whole flock of chickens and possibly a duck or two. Eating so much can only end badly.

Coming soon……..

Is that a snake???? Am I becoming my sister????

Have a great day.

More Dick soon.

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Holiday

Tomorrow morning at shit o’clock, the whole tribe is leaving for Gatport Airwick to get on a plane to take us to Florida. Yaaaaaaaaay!

We will stay there for two weeks when we will have to return home. Boo! Then two days later it’s back to work BOOOOO!

In the meantime however, we are going to have a great time. PIL and I will spend many, many hours on the Cup and Saucer roundabout at Magic Kingdom while the kids go bonkers elsewhere.cup and saucer

We will go to Blizzard Beach and Typhoon Lagoon and spend the day pretending to be whales. Well, I will anyway as everyone else is trim and fit. One of the those places has the most God awful water slides. You have to have oxygen to get to the top and then slide down the bloody thing. It has a speed trap on it so you see how fast you went – 50-60 mph!!! You then spend the next twenty minutes extracting your trunks from your bum as it gives you the worlds biggest wedgie. You then join the queue of other hapless humans to go to the toilet as it also gives you the worlds biggest enema! Accordingly, I will go on this several times each hour. The kids will too.BlizzardBeachSlide

Cape Canaveral is on our list as is Daytona.

Perhaps they will let us have a go!

Perhaps they will let us have a go!

No rocket launches scheduled nor any races but got to worth a visit. PIL and CJ will drag us off shopping. We will eat like we’ve never eaten before. Great. I may even take this old steam-powered Apple and post a post or two while we’re there.

In the meantime plans are afoot for our return. The front garden is sitting ready to be dug over, top soil added and planted up.

Ready for topsoil and planting

Ready for topsoil and planting

I’m going for a cottage garden effect with loads of scent. The backdrop will be a couple of Honeysuckles and the bed itself will have loads of perennials plus bulbs of assorted kinds including a load of tulips that CJ got for me from Amsterdam when she was on a school hockey tour to Holland.

This is the kind of effect I'm after

This is the kind of effect I’m after

No roses though. I am not a great fan of roses. Bloody hard work. Aphids, black spot, thorns that cut you to ribbons, gross feeders and a pain in the arse.

Or this

Or this

Unfortunately, my experiment with a slug deterrent will have to wait until we get back as I’ve run out of time. Sorry SDG but I will let you know how it goes so we can make our fortunes.

Dexter is staying in kennels while we’re away. I don’t think he will enjoy that but he will be fine I’m sure although I suspect we will miss him almost as much as he will miss us. I took him walkies earlier today and I have to say once again how glorious it all was. I loved it and Dexter had a good old time to when he chased a couple of pheasants hiding in the undergrowth.

Part of the bridle path where we take Dexter walkies. Absolutely magnificent

Part of the bridle path where we take Dexter walkies. Absolutely magnificent

Apparently I have to pack. How long does three tee shirts, two pairs of shorts, trunks, wash kit and sun tan lotion take to pack? (There’s a washing machine where we’re staying so don’t need any more. I can always buy more out there if needs be)

Have a bloody excellent weekend.

More Dick soon.auto

Skiing

manny-wins-gardena

No. Not me. I ski nothing like this

PIL, Ed, Greg and CJ are currently in the Spanish Pyrenees skiing. Or as Buzz Lightyear would say, “falling down mountains. With style.” Or was that Woody? Anyway, I’m playing at Billy No Mates and staying at home. It’s not because I don’t ski cos I do but, like my sister Boo, I fall over. A lot! It’s often a case of,

“Oh look. I’m somewhere completely flat and as I’m not moving, I will fall over.”

CRASH!

iStock_SkierFall

SkiCrash

Yep. That’s more like it!

 

PIL doesn’t ski but she does drink espresso, look cool and beautiful with incredible ease.

penelope1

PIL on a skiing holiday

 

Ed, Greg and CJ are brilliant skiers. I think that’s mainly due to them having started at an early age whereas I started when I was slightly decrepit and worried about broken bones. More Eddie the Eagle than Franz Klammer. It keeps the children amused. The resort authorities are kept informed by PIL when I go on the slopes. It seems I’m considered an avalanche risk. I know that Greg isn’t too fond of me being on the same chair lift as him. He claims that a few years back, due to my fat arse, I knocked him off a chair lift as we were getting on. I don’t know what he’s complaining about, he only fell about 10 feet! Into soft snow! Personally, I can’t see the problem in that. PIL got the serious hump with me on one occasion although I still can’t see why. The boys had gone up the mountain together. Then CJ decided that she wanted to go up too. I volunteered to take her. That was fine but once we got to the slope she wanted to go down, she whizzed off at a million miles per hour. Valiantly, I shot off in pursuit of her at about 3mph. I arrived back half an hour after CJ who had joined up with the boys and left me to face the music. PIL was not a happy bunny.

Now. Why was it they said I couldn’t go this time?

Have a lovely day.

More Dick soon.

Dick