Tag Archives: dog

Dexter on the Loose

As you are probably aware, our dog Dexter underwent an operation on his leg a while ago.

For the last 7 or 8 months he has only been for short walks and always with his lead on. Understandably for an active dog who just loves to run and run and run this has been driving him mad. We have been under strict instructions from the vet not to let him tear arse about. Last week that changed. He had recovered fully from his operation.

I took him out on his lead. This is sufficient to get him excited. This time though we took a different route and headed off to the fields and woods. Dexter just knew there was something afoot. He kept looking at me as if to say “Are we going to the woods? Am I going to be off this pesky lead?” We arrived at the path leading down through a small copse onto the fields and to the woods a bit further down. We stopped. Dexter started to quiver in anticipation. He made little snorting noises. He looked at me. He woofed. He quivered some more. He stared down the path. I let him off the lead. The next thing I saw was his arse end disappearing down the path in a cloud of dust. I grinned to myself. A couple of minutes later he returned. His tail was wagging so hard the whole of his rear end was swaying from side to side. The look of pure, unadulterated bliss on his face was a wonderful thing to see. He jumped up at me, gave me a big lick and tore off into the fields again. We weren’t out for long. Maybe 35 minutes but Dexter had a great time dashing about, sniffing stuff and dashing about again. We got home again and he had a drink, scoffed some food, sat down at my feet, wagged his tail some more, gave me a lick and went off and fell asleep on his bed. I think he had some good dreams that day.

I should add that the flattened crops in the background were not due to us. I follow the tractor trails and Dexter causes practically no damage when he runs through the crops.

Have a smashing day. Dexter did!

More Dick soon.

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Operation Dexter Dawg

A little while ago I wrote about our bonkers dog Dexter and how he needed to have an operation on his left rear leg as he had torn his cruciate ligament. If I’ve done this correctly, you can read that post here. The poor pooch has been confined to the house and garden since before Christmas 2016 and it’s been driving him nuts although he has been out for brief 15 minute walks on his lead every now and again.

Well, as planned, Dexter went for his operation on the 9th March and it was a complete success although it wasn’t without its dramas. We had taken Dexter for a number of x-rays and scans and because the vet was going to be manipulating his leg quite considerably, Dexter was given a general anesthetic so as to minimise any discomfort for him and as a safeguard for the vet in case Dexter decided to take a lump out of him.  Once he had come round whoever had taken him, either PIL or me, would lift him into the car, drive home and lift him out again. At 30 odd kilos, he ain’t exactly a lightweight. We thought it would be the same for his operation. So I went to work and PIL took Dexter to the vet. To PILs surprise not only was a general administered but Dexter was also given an epidural. After the operation the pooch eventually came round but he had no movement in his rear end because of the epidural. PIL and the vet lifted him into PILs car. Once home PIL, who is very definitely a girlie girl, couldn’t move him to the rear of the car to get him out. She knocked at the neighbours. No one in!  So PIL got his water bowl and food and sat in the car with him until Ed got home from work two hours later. Dexter didn’t mind.

The vet had put a cone on Dexter to stop him trying to get to his stitches. We only put it on him at night or if we popped out and he was on his own and I have to say he was very tolerant of it and never kicked up a stink when we put it on him. Even when he went out into the garden he had to have his lead on to stop him running around.

It was a different matter altogether when we gave him his tablets.We wrapped them up in goodies which he scoffed and then spat the tablets out. We held treats next to his nose to make him salivate and swallow but he just dribbled and made a  disgusting mess on the kitchen floor. We called him a bastard. A lot!

We called him all the names under the sun but none worked. After a lot of treats and stroking his throat he would eventually swallow his tablets. We then spent 20 minutes cleaning all the goo off the floor. Twice a day for weeks this went on but eventually his course of tablets ended, the stitches came out, more x-rays were taken and last week, he was given the all clear. He could go walkies again! Dexter had been quite happy to sit in the sunshine and soak up a few rays but there is no doubt all he wanted to do was go berserk in the woods.

My favourite photo of Dexter sunning himself

A big but went with this. Only for 15 minutes at a time and only on his lead. The time increasing by 5 minutes each week until it got to 30-35 minutes and then he could be let off the lead for 5 minutes again increasing by 5 minutes each week until it got to 30 minutes and thereafter, Dexter could be let off for how ever long we were out for. Brilliant. Recovery is a long-winded process but necessary to ensure he doesn’t wreck his leg again. The vet does expect him to do the same thing with his other leg though! We shall see.

Have a brilliant day.

More Dick soon.

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A Meeting

It was the cold that woke me up. For a brief moment I thought that PIL was sharing my bed again and had stolen all the duvet like she used to. Wishful thinking on my part. I rolled over and saw the figure sitting on the sofa by the window. The figure appeared to be tall and slim and was wearing some kind of hooded shroud. I couldn’t see its face. There was a scythe lying across its lap.

“Are you Death?” I asked.

“I am” the figure replied

“Have you come for me?”

“I have”. Came the reply.

“Don’t say much do you mate?”

“Not much to say.” he replied. The voice was definitely male.

I sat up, as I had decided long ago that I would not face death lying down.

“Well, I’d sooner not go just yet if that’s ok with you.”

“Many people say that to me y’know. Not all, but a fair number. It rarely changes anything.”

“It’s just that I still have a great many things to do and see and achieve and being dead won’t help.”

“So what is it that is so important that I cannot take you now?” asked Death.

“There are quite a few things actually. I would really like to see my children grow up, graduate from University, marry and have kids themselves. It would be nice to see my grandchildren.”

“Is that it?”

“I also want to learn to sail and speak French.” I replied

“You mean you don’t want to cure cancer, stop pollution and save the environment?” came the slightly sarcastic reply.

“All fine ambitions” I answered, ” and stopping Mankind’s inhumanity towards Mankind would also be pretty good but I know my limitations. I am a simple man with simple ambitions.”

Death picked up his scythe and put it to one side. I started breathing again. I hadn’t realise I was holding my breathe.

“I have to take a soul. If not yours, then whose?” he said.

“Mate, if you’re saying that if you don’t take me you will take one of my kids or PIL, then take me now. There is no way you are taking any of them. I will fight you with everything I have to stop that happening.”

Death laughed for a second or two then stopped and appeared to be thinking.

“What about the dog? Dogs have souls.” he said after a few seconds.

“That’s not really fair on the dog is it?” I answered. “He’s done nothing wrong, he had an awful start to his life and he’s happy here. He may be as daft as a brush but no, take me if you have to take anyone.”

Death was quiet for a few minutes. I guess he was thinking again. Finally, he spoke again.

“We’ve met before.” he said. That was a bit unexpected.

“Er. I don’t think so bud. I’d remember something like meeting you.”

“No, no, no.” Death exclaimed. “What I mean is that I was taking someone and you were there. You wouldn’t have seen me but I saw you. Three times in fact.”

“Were you there when my parents died?” I asked.

“No.” he said. “That would have been one of my brothers. I have a great many brothers. I was there when your work colleague, Robbie died. The heart attack killed him before he hit the floor so your attempts at CPR were fruitless.”

“Thanks pal. That makes me feel so much better.”

“My pleasure. You really didn’t need to beat yourself up about that but I suppose you weren’t to know. I was also there for the man who got flung out of the car and lost the top of his head. You comforted him while he died.”

“I remember. It seemed to take ages for him to die but he didn’t appear to be in any pain. I was covered in blood and his brains when I finally got up.”

“You’re right. He wasn’t in pain but sometimes these things need to take their course. Did you go and see his wife?”

“I did.” I replied. “I left it a couple of days and then went to see her.”

“Why did you go?”

“He asked me to tell his wife that he loved her and that he was sorry. Seemed to me to be the least I could do. It wasn’t the best time of my life that’s for sure but if you can’t grant a dying mans wish, then what does that make you?”

“I see.” said Death.

“When was the third time?”

“I was there to take your friend when he got trapped in his canoe and drowned.”

“Jean-Claude?”

“Yes. You and your friend tried to pull him out. You did a very dangerous thing. I nearly came away with three that time. So why did you and Omar place yourself in so much danger? Was it because he was a friend?”

“Jean-Claude was a very good friend. We only really saw him at races, but no, we would have done the same thing irrespective of who it was. It’s a dangerous sport and if someone is in the shit, you help. Omar and I always took that attitude and we hoped that if we were ever in trouble, someone would help us.”

Death stood up and picked up his scythe.

“Oh shit.” I thought. “Play for time.”

“Tell me something Death. Why do you wear that shroudy hoodie thing? Doesn’t it freak out the people you’ve come for? It’s freaking me out!”

“You’re right. It does and we recently tried wearing suits. Some of my brothers wore Armani. Others wore Boss. I went the Tom Ford route. I preferred the cut. Unfortunately, it confused the dying. They see a smiling face in an expensive suit and they think the Worlds greatest medic has arrived to save them.”

“Surely the scythe gives it away?” I asked.

“People see what they want to see. Besides, it was costing the Boss a fortune in dry cleaning bills. So we wear these. Easy to keep clean. Chuck ’em in the machine on a cool wash and ‘Hey Presto’. I’m going now. You have persuaded me to leave you until another time. Next time we meet, and it will be me, you will be coming with me.”

“Thank you. I hope I don’t see you anytime soon.” I said.

“I don’t know when it will be but I really do hope you learn to sail and speak French.”

I woke up at 7am as usual and staggered downstairs as usual. CJ was in the living room.

“Good morning sweetness”, I said. “Boy, did I have a weird dream last night.”

“Ewwww Dad. I really don’t want to know.”

“What?”

“I’ve heard about THOSE dreams boys have.”

“What?” I said again.

” Yes. You dream about naked women and make a mess on the bed sheets.”

“What? What? It wasn’t that kind of dream. Where did you find out about this stuff anyway?”

“School. Sex education. Boys are disgusting.”

“Jesus girl. I really don’t want to be having this conversation. I haven’t had a cup of tea yet.”

“Well, you started it.”

“What? Ok, whatever. Where’s Mum?”

“She went to see Richard. Y’know, he lives round the corner.”

“I know where he lives sweetness. I take it she’s gone to wish him ‘Good luck’ in the marathon he and his wife are running in today?”

“No, Richards wife..”

“Elizabeth.”

“Yes. Elizabeth. She died suddenly in her sleep last night.”

 

More Dick soon.

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The Garden

The front garden, which has been my project for the last 12 months is coming along nicely. It needs more plants in it and I got another dozen to plant up on Sunday. Typically, since then the weather has been foul and I’ve not had a chance to actually put them in the soil. I’ve got Astilbes, Lupins, Freesias (my mums favourite if I remember correctly), Anemones and a couple more Geums. I also got several ferns for Eeyores place down one side of the house that is particularly gloomy. I think that once they’re in it will begin to look more cottage gardeny although I suspect more plants will be required to get the desired effect but I’m pleased with it so far. 20160531_113633

The tulips out there did very well on long, straight stems but didn’t last as long as I had hoped mainly due, I think, to the wet weather. The alliums are looking particularly good at the moment as do some other plants I put in last year but have no idea what they are now.

I have been disappointed with the foxgloves though. After writing about how easy they are to grow and how they self seed everywhere, this year, despite having loads growing previously and possibly a billion seeds falling to the soil, only half a dozen have started to grow. What a bummer!20150612_100703

I like foxgloves for their height, their attraction to bees, their beautiful flowers and how easy they are to grow (usually). I can’t help thinking that the extremely wet winter we had has caused the seeds to rot away or, knowing my luck, the seeds floated off and one of my neighbours has a beautiful display.20150612_100842

Having said that, apparently it’s one of the joys of gardening insofar as you never quite know what each year will bring. I’m inclined to go along with that although the sense of disappointment when something doesn’t quite work out how you planned is a pain in the neck or, in my case, a pain in the lower back. Still, very soon now the front garden will be looking splendid and it will be time to contemplate the back garden which is looking more than a tad neglected. We (by ‘We”, I mean PIL) have plans for the back garden. Just about any plants we put in the beds last less than a season due to being flattened by youngsters playing, in no particular order, cricket, football, basketball, tennis, trample dads plants and take off the flowers with a frisbee (the last two being particular favourites with our kids). Once the front is finished, all the plants in the back garden will be transferred to the front to fill in any spaces there and the ensuing space planted with shrubs.2004_OND-BELL-HEBEVI4

Shrubs tend to be more resilient to the kind of abuse my kids hand out plus they don’t seem to be so sensitive to being pissed on by the dog (and by me from time to time when I can’t be arsed to come in). The additional bonus of having shrubs there is that they quickly grow large enough to devour all kinds of balls, frisbees and water pistols. Either that or shrubs have some kind of portal to another dimension where stuff like that disappears for all time. A bit like washing machines and socks.

Now that I have made my sister Boo

Boo. My sister. She often looks like this

Boo. My sister. She often looks like this

happy by writing about gardens and my toiletry habits I am going to go and dig some holes to put our new plants in cos it’s stopped raining. I just hope there isn’t any cat crap out there.

Have an outstanding day. They are the best ones to have.

More Dick soon.auto

Updates.

Well hello. I’ve been gone awhile but before I go into why and up date you on what’s been happening, a quick word for Claudia who, while thinking I’m a dick doesn’t believe I’m Dick Dastardly and not the author of this here blog. It was fun at Battersea wasn’t it girl and really nice to meet your twin sister?

That’s that sorted.

Work.

It has been manic at work over the last few months. We took on a new task and to say it’s cursed is probably an understatement. The internet signal on site is crap, the phone signal is crap, the equipment kept failing but worst of all, some of the staff were just absolutely bloody hopeless.IMG_1718

The work I do comes under a Home Office department and is regulated by them. One of the criteria is the ability to speak, read, write and understand English. Some native-born Brits that came along to work could probably manage one or two of those but all four? Jesus Christ, my bloody dog is more intelligent than some of the people who wanted to work for us. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that my dog’s POO was more intelligent than one or two of the amoeba brained Neanderthals that managed to find their way to site. Some couldn’t even manage that!

YES

YES!

Fortunately, the Boss and I have managed to resolve the equipment, internet and phone problems and we’ve got good blokes working on site now that don’t need to be constantly supervised. I’ve just spent the last week staying up in London working in Battersea Park. We had a task up there last year for the same company and I hope it happens again next October. It’s a blast. Hard and tiring work involving long hours but I was working with a team I put together, they were all guys I had worked with before and they were superb  professionals.

Battersea Park. Looking up towards Albert Gate

Battersea Park. Looking up towards Albert Gate

I like Battersea Park. The River Thames runs along one side, it has a children’s zoo, a pagoda, many beautiful trees and we were blessed with great weather.

Battersea Park looking towards Chelsea Bridge at about 0800

Battersea Park looking towards Chelsea Bridge at about 0800

I now have a few days off and have every intention of doing the absolute minimum possible although PIL may have a different view on that! A little light gardening may be about my lot. I will be writing separately about the progress taking place in our front garden.20150919_154811

 

Beard

Bearded-Ostrich--90763

Yep. Still got it. Nowadays though I keep it under control with regular trims to keep it neat and tidy. Clit, PILs beaver, stills makes regular visits and it’s a delight when she comes. It can get a bit messy though as she’s a bit of a wild animal when she gets excited!

Dog

Dexter is still a bonkers dog. We had to put a mail box on the wall by the front door because he kept eating the post (and occasionally the post mans finger tips). He adores going walkies out in the boonies and I love taking him. He burns off energy at a tremendous rate while I get some peace and quiet so that I can put my head back together.

It's hard work going walkies

It’s hard work going walkies

Family

More news is breaking as I write on the family front so I’ll write about PIL, Ed, Greg and CJ once I’ve had all the up dates on that front.

Greg, Ed & CJ with Dexter

Greg, Ed & CJ with Dexter

Well peeps. I hope that this post has found you all fit and well. I will be writing again real soon with an update on the garden and possibly details on the progress in the House of Chaos.

Have a great day.

More Dick soon.auto

 

Looked. Saw nothing

Out today with Dexter for his walkies and my chill out time as usual on my days off. It was very misty and visibility was down to maybe a hundred yards at most. All the colour was washed out and it was impossible to see anything so everything was on audio. I could hear the seagulls and I heard something run off into the undergrowth but didn’t see a damned thing and it was brilliant. As everything was so still and quiet, if you listened carefully you could hear stuff you wouldn’t normally. I could hear bird song with amazing clarity, I could hear Dexter snuffling around in the undergrowth, I heard the rustle of leaves, I could hear the squelch of my wellies as I walked through the mud, I heard Dexter fart two hundred yards away! Thank goodness we have five senses. Today was a nice reminder to use more than just one.

Very still and very quiet. Bliss.

Very still and very quiet. Bliss.

Yesterday was the complete opposite. It was a warm and sunny day. Visibility was great and everything looked as sharp as a pin. I took the chance to continue with Dexters training and spent some time getting him to “Sit” and “Stay”. When I say “some time”, what I really mean was “a lot of time”. As it was such a clear day it wasn’t just me that could see everything for miles around. So while Dexter was happy to sit for a second or two, something would distract him and off he went in pursuit. Still a bit of work to do there I think.

I saw a rabbit! I saw a rabbit. Honest. I saw a rabbit!

I saw a rabbit! I saw a rabbit. Honest. I saw a rabbit!

 

I saw a squirrel! I saw a squirrel. Honest. I saw a squirrel!

I saw a squirrel! I saw a squirrel. Honest. I saw a squirrel!

Unfortunately, Dexter now also answers to “Sit. You bastard”!

An hour later!

An hour later!

More Dick soon.

Have a smashing day.

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