Tag Archives: Dexter

Dexter on the Loose

As you are probably aware, our dog Dexter underwent an operation on his leg a while ago.

For the last 7 or 8 months he has only been for short walks and always with his lead on. Understandably for an active dog who just loves to run and run and run this has been driving him mad. We have been under strict instructions from the vet not to let him tear arse about. Last week that changed. He had recovered fully from his operation.

I took him out on his lead. This is sufficient to get him excited. This time though we took a different route and headed off to the fields and woods. Dexter just knew there was something afoot. He kept looking at me as if to say “Are we going to the woods? Am I going to be off this pesky lead?” We arrived at the path leading down through a small copse onto the fields and to the woods a bit further down. We stopped. Dexter started to quiver in anticipation. He made little snorting noises. He looked at me. He woofed. He quivered some more. He stared down the path. I let him off the lead. The next thing I saw was his arse end disappearing down the path in a cloud of dust. I grinned to myself. A couple of minutes later he returned. His tail was wagging so hard the whole of his rear end was swaying from side to side. The look of pure, unadulterated bliss on his face was a wonderful thing to see. He jumped up at me, gave me a big lick and tore off into the fields again. We weren’t out for long. Maybe 35 minutes but Dexter had a great time dashing about, sniffing stuff and dashing about again. We got home again and he had a drink, scoffed some food, sat down at my feet, wagged his tail some more, gave me a lick and went off and fell asleep on his bed. I think he had some good dreams that day.

I should add that the flattened crops in the background were not due to us. I follow the tractor trails and Dexter causes practically no damage when he runs through the crops.

Have a smashing day. Dexter did!

More Dick soon.

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Operation Dexter Dawg

A little while ago I wrote about our bonkers dog Dexter and how he needed to have an operation on his left rear leg as he had torn his cruciate ligament. If I’ve done this correctly, you can read that post here. The poor pooch has been confined to the house and garden since before Christmas 2016 and it’s been driving him nuts although he has been out for brief 15 minute walks on his lead every now and again.

Well, as planned, Dexter went for his operation on the 9th March and it was a complete success although it wasn’t without its dramas. We had taken Dexter for a number of x-rays and scans and because the vet was going to be manipulating his leg quite considerably, Dexter was given a general anesthetic so as to minimise any discomfort for him and as a safeguard for the vet in case Dexter decided to take a lump out of him.  Once he had come round whoever had taken him, either PIL or me, would lift him into the car, drive home and lift him out again. At 30 odd kilos, he ain’t exactly a lightweight. We thought it would be the same for his operation. So I went to work and PIL took Dexter to the vet. To PILs surprise not only was a general administered but Dexter was also given an epidural. After the operation the pooch eventually came round but he had no movement in his rear end because of the epidural. PIL and the vet lifted him into PILs car. Once home PIL, who is very definitely a girlie girl, couldn’t move him to the rear of the car to get him out. She knocked at the neighbours. No one in!  So PIL got his water bowl and food and sat in the car with him until Ed got home from work two hours later. Dexter didn’t mind.

The vet had put a cone on Dexter to stop him trying to get to his stitches. We only put it on him at night or if we popped out and he was on his own and I have to say he was very tolerant of it and never kicked up a stink when we put it on him. Even when he went out into the garden he had to have his lead on to stop him running around.

It was a different matter altogether when we gave him his tablets.We wrapped them up in goodies which he scoffed and then spat the tablets out. We held treats next to his nose to make him salivate and swallow but he just dribbled and made a  disgusting mess on the kitchen floor. We called him a bastard. A lot!

We called him all the names under the sun but none worked. After a lot of treats and stroking his throat he would eventually swallow his tablets. We then spent 20 minutes cleaning all the goo off the floor. Twice a day for weeks this went on but eventually his course of tablets ended, the stitches came out, more x-rays were taken and last week, he was given the all clear. He could go walkies again! Dexter had been quite happy to sit in the sunshine and soak up a few rays but there is no doubt all he wanted to do was go berserk in the woods.

My favourite photo of Dexter sunning himself

A big but went with this. Only for 15 minutes at a time and only on his lead. The time increasing by 5 minutes each week until it got to 30-35 minutes and then he could be let off the lead for 5 minutes again increasing by 5 minutes each week until it got to 30 minutes and thereafter, Dexter could be let off for how ever long we were out for. Brilliant. Recovery is a long-winded process but necessary to ensure he doesn’t wreck his leg again. The vet does expect him to do the same thing with his other leg though! We shall see.

Have a brilliant day.

More Dick soon.

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Dexter Does Himself A Mischief.

Dexter is our dog and an integral part of the family.1an29xzod1zo7

He is a bonkers dog. Today is his 4th birthday although to be honest we’re not exactly sure of his birth day only that he was probably born in February 2013. There are a lot of unknowns with Dexter. We got him from Battersea Dogs Home when he was about 6 months old. He is a mix of breeds. Battersea think he has a large chunk of Staffordshire Bull Terrier in his genes along with a fairly big chunk of Labrador plus a little bit of Lurcher thrown in. He also had the bollocks from a Giraffe. Boy, he had big balls. They made him walk like John Wayne after a long day in the saddle. They’re gone now though. He also has more energy than a nuclear power plant and he takes his self imposed duties as a guard dog very seriously. He barks at everyone who comes to the door and he barks at people walking down the road. When the family are home and some are downstairs and others are upstairs, he sits half way up the staircase on guard. Before he was restricted to the kitchen at night, he would lie at the top of the stairs watching the front door or lie down between two bedrooms but positioned so he could see the top of the stairs. As he is primarily black, it was dangerous to get up in the middle of the night to pay a visit to the toilet as he was impossible to see and easily tripped over.

His favourite thing though is walkies. He loves it. I put on my walking trousers. “Yay, it’s walkies.” I put on my old coat. “Yay, it’s walkies”. I get his lead and he goes bananas. We get to the fields and I let him off his lead and he goes nuts. He tears about all over the place.ghasjwgf1g5s

“Yay, rabbits. Chase rabbits.”

“Yay, pheasants. Chase pheasants.”

“Yay, a leaf. Chase leaf.”

“Yay, fox poo. Roll in fox poo.”

He runs and runs and runs.13yyrvjmsvmi9-4

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Then he’ll spend some time sniffing about. He never goes too far away. Having been abandoned as a puppy, he has abandonment issues still and likes to keep me in sight.1an29xzod1zo7-1

Eventually, we get home again and he collapses on his bed and sleeps for hours.ghasjwgf1g5s-1

Unfortunately, before Christmas, he tore the cruciate ligament in his left rear leg. It made him limp but it didn’t slow him down. Not knowing what was wrong and because he would only limp about for a few hours, we continued taking him out where he would tear arse about as usual. Eventually, we took him to the vet and the damage was diagnosed. Complete rest for a month. It drove him nuts. He’s been back for x rays. He fought against the anaesthetic and looked like he’d downed 10 pints of Stella with all the staggering around he did before finally succumbing to the drugs.

10 pints of Stella later

10 pints of Stella later

The x rays confirmed the diagnosis. Of course once we got him home again, he milked all the sympathy possible.13yyrvjmsvmi9

The vets had warned that his thermal controls would be affected for a good few hours so we had to ensure he didn’t get cold.13yyrvjmsvmi9-2

So on the 9th March, Dexter goes back to the vets for an operation that will hopefully solve the problem. Another two months of complete rest and recuperation follow the op’ and it will do two things. First and foremost it will drive him mad. Secondly, he’ll become a fat bastard dog. The latter won’t be a problem as once he is ok to go walkies again, he’ll  burn it off in no time. In the meantime, Dexter occupies himself by chasing his tail. Mad bugger. I’ll let you know how he gets on.

Have a brilliant day.

More Dick soon.auto

Holiday

We have been away on our holidays. We flew out on Friday 15th July and got back to the UK on Wednesday 27th. Our first task on the day we left was to take Dexter to the kennels for his holiday. He went to the same place as last year to kennels in Blean. It had taken him a few days to settle down last year but this year, he settled in straight away apparently.

Dexter in the back of the car, ready to go to the kennels for his holiday

Dexter in the back of the car, ready to go to the kennels for his holiday

After dropping Dexter off, our next task was to finish packing. All we took was summer clothing, forgetting we were going South of the Equator where it is now Winter! Doh! We left early as we were flying from Heathrow, which meant travelling some distance on the M25 which can be an absolute bastard of a road.

The M25. On it's day, it can be a nightmare

The M25. On its day, it can be a nightmare

Fortunately, on this particular day it wasn’t and we arrived in plenty of time. Checked in and cleared security. We boarded the aircraft, an Airbus A340 which is not exactly the biggest of aircraft, and settled down in a packed aircraft for our 11 hour flight. We flew South East over France, along the west coast of Italy, crossed the Med, continued over Egypt and headed off over the Indian Ocean. I know this because it showed our route on the little TV screen in front of me. It was the only thing I could get to work on the somewhat antiquated In Flight Entertainment system and it was all in French. We didn’t actually see anything for 2 reasons. First, none of us had window seats. Secondly, it was dark outside and thirdly we were flying at an altitude of 9,375 metres. Eventually, we arrived at our destination – the Sir Seewoosagur Ramgoolam International Airport and I have to say it’s the first time I have arrived at an airport that has a name bigger than the airport itself! Thankfully, the locals have abbreviated the name and call it “The Airport” because in our befuddled state of mind, we simply couldn’t handle that number of syllables. We were met by the Virgin Holidays rep and took a transfer coach to our final destination which was an hour away. We slept most of the way there. We got to our final destination, the Heritage Le Telfair, a 5 Star Golf and Spa resort and it was absolutely gorgeous. We had two suites with views across the Indian Ocean. The suites were enormous and we had one on the ground floor with its own patio area and another one directly above with a balcony. There was a brief discussion as to who went where as some members of the family didn’t want to share with others because they “snored, farted and belched”! This was quickly resolved and PIL and CJ were banished upstairs where they could fart, snore and belch to their heart’s content and us blokes could have some peace and quiet!

The view from our suite

The view from our suite

A brief history now follows. You can skip this part if you want.  The island was visited by the Arabs and Portuguese during the Middle Ages. It was uninhabited until the Dutch bumped into it and established a small colony. After eating most of the dodos living there, the Dutch cleared off. The French then settled there, stuck corks up the bums of the remaining dodos and scoffed the lot. They also used it as a base to capture British merchant ships returning from India with valuable cargos of spices and other stuff the Brits nicked from the Indian sub continent. This pissed the Brits off big time so they invaded and as usual, beat the French. It became the Empires main sugar-producing colony. It became an independent nation in 1968 and a republic in 1992. The official language is English but everyone speaks either French or Creole and English only when necessary. It is a fantastic place although we saw very little of it.

Le Telfair is absolutely wonderful. The staff, whether they be waiters, house keeping, gardeners or whatever, were fantastic. Warm and friendly and nothing ever seemed to be too much bother. IMG-20160802-WA0038

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We settled down in our rooms and unpacked and then we went for a walk along the beach and a general explore of the resort. The kids also searched for more Pokemon on their phones!IMG-20160802-WA0000

We jumped into one of the pools dotted around. IMG-20160802-WA0034

We behaved like tourists on holiday and we were having a great time.IMG-20160802-WA0033

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I cannot properly describe how absolutely idyllic the place is. Within a very short time, the beach bar staff knew our usual order (3 beers, a Sprite and a diet Coke in case you’re wondering). Every evening we went for an evening meal and we had food we never dreamt we would eat. We had squid, octopus, every colour of snapper fish there is, goats cheese and every meal was fantastic.IMG-20160802-WA0018

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We had wine with our meals and the wine waiter would take the time out to explain all the different varieties of wine they had on offer (a lot), the grapes used for each type, where it came from, how special varieties were grown according to the climatic and soil conditions in each country. It was a delightful education eating and drinking here.IMG-20160802-WA0009

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On our second day, Ed and Greg went off to play a round of golf. PIL, CJ and yours truly went with them. Bear in mind that neither of them had played since our last holiday 12 months ago and they were rubbish then! Greg, however, was wearing his golf shoes and claimed he would be brilliant. Despite this claim, PIL got 9 second-hand golf balls just in case. As we arrived, the heavens opened and it poured with rain. Greg teed off at the first hole and the ball shot off into the distance. A fantastic shot if he hadn’t sliced it. The ball went off at 45 degrees to the intended direction and despite a search by us all, remains undiscovered.

Greg about to tee off. We all took cover.

Greg about to tee off. We all took cover.

Naturally, the rest of us found this incredibly funny. Greg did not though. At the second hole, his ball travelled about 60 feet from the tee. Even funnier! However, Greg now had the serious hump and despite telling him that he’d made a rod for his own back, we agreed not to laugh at him again. At the third hole, he took his tee shot and I gazed off into the distance to see where it went. I couldn’t see it so called out, “Did you see where it went mate?” Whereupon, everyone fell about laughing again because I hadn’t noticed his ball had travelled 17 feet six and three-quarter inches! Ed was equally as good! PIL, CJ and I decided then to go back to the club house so that we wouldn’t be tempted to laugh at the pair of them but also because it was chucking it down with rain. We left the two of them to it, went to the club house and had something to eat and drink.

Ed striking a golfing pose

Ed striking a golfing pose

Every now and again we would see them flailing about in the distance. IMG-20160802-WA0003IMG-20160802-WA0002

The rain continued. The half point brought them back to the club house where they rushed over to ask for some more balls! They had two left. So PIL got another 18. Just in case and off they went to do something called “The Back Nine”.

Greg. Note the shoes which were supposed to turn him into a golf ace.

Greg. Note the shoes which were supposed to turn him into a golf ace.

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They both seemed to play much better without the unkind remarks and laughter and they did have a good time.IMG-20160802-WA0007

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Eventually, we saw them again playing the 18th and last hole. A Par 5 apparently. They were some distance away but we knew it was them because we could see one broad-shouldered figure and one very tall figure. Plus, who else but the English play golf in the pissing rain wearing only shorts and polo shirts? We decided to go out by the final hole and keep our eyes peeled for their balls as they approached. We kind of hid behind a bunker so as not to put them off. When Ed and Greg finally arrived they blamed us for having to take 6 shots to get to the green as all they could see were our three heads popping up from behind the bunker. They said we looked like a trio of “bloody meerkats”! They didn’t mention loosing another 8 balls until much later!

 

PIL, CJ and me watching Ed and Greg playing golf. Not a pretty sight!

PIL, CJ and me watching Ed and Greg playing golf. Not a pretty sight!

After that, PIL went to the Spa and had a massage and facial. The rest of us went for a massage the following day. It was bliss.

The next installment of our holiday adventures follows soon.

Have a great day.

More Dick soon.auto

 

Dexter

After the emotional stuff that left me completely drained, I thought it would be nice to be a bit more light hearted.

Some months ago I was walking Dexter, our dog, out in the fields close to where we live and took some video of him prancing about. When the crops are taller than he is, Dexter does this Tigger like jump so that he can see where he is. It looks cute. It’s taken me from April last year until now to figure out how to transfer the video from my phone to my laptop. Eldest son sorted it for me in the end. The video lasts for less than a minute. Enjoy.

 

 

 

Hitting the deck isn’t the problem. It’s getting back up again!

Have a great day.

More Dick soon.

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Work

I think I mentioned a few weeks ago that work has been manic. It still is but to a lesser degree now. I had a great time at the task in Battersea Park in October which I have already spoken about. I was able to put a great team of guys together for that task. I’d worked with them all previously and knew they were more than up for the job. The Boss is good in that. He lets me select the guys I want which is nice.

The Boss

The Boss

We had teams covering 24 hours a day for the week we were there. There were only 2 working during the night. “Syco” Steve who I have known and worked with for many years was one of them. He thinks he’s Paul Weller but in reality he looks like Carl from the animated movie ‘UP!’. For some odd reason he goes off on one when we present him with a gift of tennis balls or balloons. I have never understood why.

'Syco' Steve

‘Syco’ Steve

Alongside him during the darkness was Filipino Chris, who, oddly enough, comes from the Philippines. Amongst his many talents (the ability to speak clearly in English not being one of them!), Chris is an expert in the martial art of Filipino stick fighting. From what I understand this involves a shed load of Filipinos fighting each other with sticks.

Filipinos fighting with sticks

Filipinos fighting with sticks

During the day I was joined by Simon who very definitely is not simple.

Infantile things to do with a banana on a sunny day in Battersea. Will you ever grow up Si?

Infantile things to do with a banana on a sunny day in Battersea. Will you ever grow up Si?

Sam the teenager serial killer who, at the age of 23, still buys his clothes from the children’s section of Asda. He has a 28 inch waist for Gods sake! At one stage we found him prowling around the park. We were convinced he has looking for places to dig shallow graves.

Sam

Sam

Also working long days was Luke, another youngster. The mad fool spent good money on a haircut that made him look like Kim Jong Un! You can guess what we called him.

Luke

Luke

His satnav certainly came from North Korea as it always took him over Albert Bridge, along  Chelsea Embankment, back over Chelsea Bridge and into the park at Chelsea Gate in Queenstown Road. This was from Clapham Junction! It did make me feel slightly better about the North Koreans developing ICBM nuclear missiles though. With that kind of navigation system if they ever did launch they’d probably nuke Pyongyang. One of the other guys working the day shift was Seb the sex mad Pole.

Seb

Seb

Our first day at Battersea started at 6am and didn’t end until 7pm when we all left to go back to our hotel. All except Seb who went home to his girlfriend. The following morning, just before 7am, we assembled to start our day, have breakfast in crew catering and generally get started. Seb rocked up looking like a sack of shit!

“Blimey mate.” I said. “You look cream crackered.”

“Crackers? I like Jacobs with cheese and pickle but I hope there is more than that for breakfast.” said Seb

“No you idiot. I meant you look worn out.” I replied

Seb looked confused so I explained cockney rhyming slang to him.

“Cream crackered is slang for ‘knackered’ me old china.”

“Ah. I see but I am a Pole. I am not the Chinese.” retorted Seb.

“No mate. ‘China’ is slang for ‘mate’ mate.”

I could see this was going to be hard work.

“But ‘China’ does not rhyme with ‘mate’ does it?”

“Ah yes but ‘China Plate’ does.”

“You cockerknees are strange people. Worse than you English.”

“So mate. Why are you so worn out?”

“It is my girlfriend.” said Seb. “She wants sex all the time. We make love, we finish and straight away she want more. Then more again and then some more after that. It is costing me a fortune in Viagra but I cannot say ‘No’ can I? Nearly 5 hours of non stop sex last night my friend and my penis is sore which is why I walk like I crapped my pants.”

“You jammy bastard. I wish I had a girlfriend like that.” said Luke, who Simon and I suspect is still a virgin and with that stupid North Korean haircut is likely to remain one for some time.

“Me too.” said Sam who claims he has a girlfriend but only in his imagination.

I looked at Simon. Simon looked at me. We are both wiser to the ways of the world and so I said to Seb,

“Well, me old China. If you did it right the first time, you wouldn’t have this problem. At least you’d get a 20 minute tea break in between sessions.”

Seb on being told he was doing "It" all wrong

Seb on being told he was doing “It” all wrong

“What’s for breakfast? I fancy a full English.” I strolled off for breakfast leaving Seb to figure it out.

Me hard at it

Me hard at it

And our day started.

Every day for a week, Seb rocked up for work looking very much the worse for wear and walking like John Wayne. A sack of potatoes looked in better shape!

I’m back in North London now working with ‘Banzai Noor’ the human garbage disposal unit, Daniel, Jay, Izzy the Tightarse, Ian and Zain. Work is now a little easier but I’m beginning to think I’m too bloody old for all this crap. Please God. let me win the lottery!

Have a great day.

More Dick soon.auto

Updates.

Well hello. I’ve been gone awhile but before I go into why and up date you on what’s been happening, a quick word for Claudia who, while thinking I’m a dick doesn’t believe I’m Dick Dastardly and not the author of this here blog. It was fun at Battersea wasn’t it girl and really nice to meet your twin sister?

That’s that sorted.

Work.

It has been manic at work over the last few months. We took on a new task and to say it’s cursed is probably an understatement. The internet signal on site is crap, the phone signal is crap, the equipment kept failing but worst of all, some of the staff were just absolutely bloody hopeless.IMG_1718

The work I do comes under a Home Office department and is regulated by them. One of the criteria is the ability to speak, read, write and understand English. Some native-born Brits that came along to work could probably manage one or two of those but all four? Jesus Christ, my bloody dog is more intelligent than some of the people who wanted to work for us. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that my dog’s POO was more intelligent than one or two of the amoeba brained Neanderthals that managed to find their way to site. Some couldn’t even manage that!

YES

YES!

Fortunately, the Boss and I have managed to resolve the equipment, internet and phone problems and we’ve got good blokes working on site now that don’t need to be constantly supervised. I’ve just spent the last week staying up in London working in Battersea Park. We had a task up there last year for the same company and I hope it happens again next October. It’s a blast. Hard and tiring work involving long hours but I was working with a team I put together, they were all guys I had worked with before and they were superb  professionals.

Battersea Park. Looking up towards Albert Gate

Battersea Park. Looking up towards Albert Gate

I like Battersea Park. The River Thames runs along one side, it has a children’s zoo, a pagoda, many beautiful trees and we were blessed with great weather.

Battersea Park looking towards Chelsea Bridge at about 0800

Battersea Park looking towards Chelsea Bridge at about 0800

I now have a few days off and have every intention of doing the absolute minimum possible although PIL may have a different view on that! A little light gardening may be about my lot. I will be writing separately about the progress taking place in our front garden.20150919_154811

 

Beard

Bearded-Ostrich--90763

Yep. Still got it. Nowadays though I keep it under control with regular trims to keep it neat and tidy. Clit, PILs beaver, stills makes regular visits and it’s a delight when she comes. It can get a bit messy though as she’s a bit of a wild animal when she gets excited!

Dog

Dexter is still a bonkers dog. We had to put a mail box on the wall by the front door because he kept eating the post (and occasionally the post mans finger tips). He adores going walkies out in the boonies and I love taking him. He burns off energy at a tremendous rate while I get some peace and quiet so that I can put my head back together.

It's hard work going walkies

It’s hard work going walkies

Family

More news is breaking as I write on the family front so I’ll write about PIL, Ed, Greg and CJ once I’ve had all the up dates on that front.

Greg, Ed & CJ with Dexter

Greg, Ed & CJ with Dexter

Well peeps. I hope that this post has found you all fit and well. I will be writing again real soon with an update on the garden and possibly details on the progress in the House of Chaos.

Have a great day.

More Dick soon.auto

 

Holiday

Tomorrow morning at shit o’clock, the whole tribe is leaving for Gatport Airwick to get on a plane to take us to Florida. Yaaaaaaaaay!

We will stay there for two weeks when we will have to return home. Boo! Then two days later it’s back to work BOOOOO!

In the meantime however, we are going to have a great time. PIL and I will spend many, many hours on the Cup and Saucer roundabout at Magic Kingdom while the kids go bonkers elsewhere.cup and saucer

We will go to Blizzard Beach and Typhoon Lagoon and spend the day pretending to be whales. Well, I will anyway as everyone else is trim and fit. One of the those places has the most God awful water slides. You have to have oxygen to get to the top and then slide down the bloody thing. It has a speed trap on it so you see how fast you went – 50-60 mph!!! You then spend the next twenty minutes extracting your trunks from your bum as it gives you the worlds biggest wedgie. You then join the queue of other hapless humans to go to the toilet as it also gives you the worlds biggest enema! Accordingly, I will go on this several times each hour. The kids will too.BlizzardBeachSlide

Cape Canaveral is on our list as is Daytona.

Perhaps they will let us have a go!

Perhaps they will let us have a go!

No rocket launches scheduled nor any races but got to worth a visit. PIL and CJ will drag us off shopping. We will eat like we’ve never eaten before. Great. I may even take this old steam-powered Apple and post a post or two while we’re there.

In the meantime plans are afoot for our return. The front garden is sitting ready to be dug over, top soil added and planted up.

Ready for topsoil and planting

Ready for topsoil and planting

I’m going for a cottage garden effect with loads of scent. The backdrop will be a couple of Honeysuckles and the bed itself will have loads of perennials plus bulbs of assorted kinds including a load of tulips that CJ got for me from Amsterdam when she was on a school hockey tour to Holland.

This is the kind of effect I'm after

This is the kind of effect I’m after

No roses though. I am not a great fan of roses. Bloody hard work. Aphids, black spot, thorns that cut you to ribbons, gross feeders and a pain in the arse.

Or this

Or this

Unfortunately, my experiment with a slug deterrent will have to wait until we get back as I’ve run out of time. Sorry SDG but I will let you know how it goes so we can make our fortunes.

Dexter is staying in kennels while we’re away. I don’t think he will enjoy that but he will be fine I’m sure although I suspect we will miss him almost as much as he will miss us. I took him walkies earlier today and I have to say once again how glorious it all was. I loved it and Dexter had a good old time to when he chased a couple of pheasants hiding in the undergrowth.

Part of the bridle path where we take Dexter walkies. Absolutely magnificent

Part of the bridle path where we take Dexter walkies. Absolutely magnificent

Apparently I have to pack. How long does three tee shirts, two pairs of shorts, trunks, wash kit and sun tan lotion take to pack? (There’s a washing machine where we’re staying so don’t need any more. I can always buy more out there if needs be)

Have a bloody excellent weekend.

More Dick soon.auto

Life and Death

In my last post I had a bit of a rant about certain slimy creatures and PIL was a bit put out by the effing and blinding that took place. This post however, I’m sure will be a lot more sedate. Talking of swearing and cursing reminds me of my mate Bunsen. For many years Bunsen was a “chock head” in the British Army.

My mate Bunsen. He looks EXACTLY like this

My mate Bunsen. He looks EXACTLY like this

A chock head is what the rest of the army call the Royal Engineers for a very good reason I’m sure. Anyway, Bunsen finished his career in the army as a senior NCO. He is the only man in the history of the British Army to be reprimanded for the “continuous and persistent use of foul and abusive language towards the sappers under his command.” He is also the only man I know to have mislaid a bridge. I would love to have a been a fly on the wall for that conversation!

This is not the subject I intended writing about.

My working week is a bit odd. I start on a Sunday usually and work until Wednesday some weeks and Thursday on others. Sometimes I’m working away from home for days on end. When I’m home though I think most of the lovely people who read my meanderings know that I like to take Dexter out for a nice long stroll in the boonies and have good look around and a poke about in the undergrowth. You have to be careful what you poke though. I once accidentally poked a wasp’s nest.swarmingwasps_0508_445x260

Big mistake! I ran off screaming like a girl but I didn’t get stung which I think is testament to the speed at which I departed the area. Warp factor 10 and a bit!runningbees

Yesterday, we were just strolling along the edge of a field. It was a gloriously sunny day and it was as peaceful as you could wish for. The crops were starting to sprout, some were already in flower, bluebells were springing up all over the wooded areas and hedgerows. The wild garlic was flowering and stopping vampires from pestering me. It was a truly beautiful day. Then rising out of the trees in a display of the most graceful flying I have ever seen were two large birds of prey. The way they swooped and circled each other made me think they were showing off to one another which in turn, made me think that perhaps they were a mating pair and that they had been on the nest so to speak when Dexter and I came along. They moved higher and further along as we walked along and it made me think and hope that maybe in a little while there will be three or four of them swooping about overhead. I certainly hope so. I’m no ornithologist but I think they were buzzards.buzzard1

A twitcher would know what they were immediately although what Tourettes has to do with bird watching is beyond me. I really do hope that they do breed and there will be a few more beautiful birds gracing the air. As a matter of principle Dexter and I will avoid that area for a week or two so as not to disturb them.

A bit further along and a little while later, a movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. Lots of spiders are now out and about spinning their webs, catching their prey and scoffing it. What I had seen was a fly caught in a web by one of its legs and struggling to escape. The owner of the web had shot out of its lair and was struggling to subdue the fly.5151 Garden Spiderxx

Now despite all the space, right next to this web was another one and in its struggle to subdue the fly, spider 1 must of touched the other web because a slightly larger version of spider1 came rushing out, bit spider 1 and killed it! Nice way to treat a member of your own species I thought. Spiders aren’t that much different to humans after all. While spider 2 was dragging the body of spider 1 back to its hidey hole it, in turn, must have touched another web because a big, black spider suddenly appeared on the scene, bit spider 2 which dropped the carcass of spider 1 and the big bugger dragged spidey 2 back to its dining room for lunch!spider1

Wow! You don’t get to see that every day. I know I keep banging on endlessly about this but today I saw what I hope will lead to new life. I also saw death and nature at its most savage albeit on a small scale and the reason I saw these things, as well as all the other wonderful stuff is because I was looking around admiring the beautiful things our world has to offer us and taking notice of it. To my mind, walking around paying attention is probably the best way to unwind, relax and to realise just how lucky we are. I know I am fortunate to live in the countryside where it’s easy to do this but even in urban areas it’s easily done if you make a little effort.20140617_135825

The fly? It escaped.

I asked PIL to check through this post for me to pick up on any errors. She was extremely pleased there has been no swearing today. Phew. I might get lucky later.

 

 

Have a fucking great day!

More Dick soon.auto

 

Looked. Saw nothing

Out today with Dexter for his walkies and my chill out time as usual on my days off. It was very misty and visibility was down to maybe a hundred yards at most. All the colour was washed out and it was impossible to see anything so everything was on audio. I could hear the seagulls and I heard something run off into the undergrowth but didn’t see a damned thing and it was brilliant. As everything was so still and quiet, if you listened carefully you could hear stuff you wouldn’t normally. I could hear bird song with amazing clarity, I could hear Dexter snuffling around in the undergrowth, I heard the rustle of leaves, I could hear the squelch of my wellies as I walked through the mud, I heard Dexter fart two hundred yards away! Thank goodness we have five senses. Today was a nice reminder to use more than just one.

Very still and very quiet. Bliss.

Very still and very quiet. Bliss.

Yesterday was the complete opposite. It was a warm and sunny day. Visibility was great and everything looked as sharp as a pin. I took the chance to continue with Dexters training and spent some time getting him to “Sit” and “Stay”. When I say “some time”, what I really mean was “a lot of time”. As it was such a clear day it wasn’t just me that could see everything for miles around. So while Dexter was happy to sit for a second or two, something would distract him and off he went in pursuit. Still a bit of work to do there I think.

I saw a rabbit! I saw a rabbit. Honest. I saw a rabbit!

I saw a rabbit! I saw a rabbit. Honest. I saw a rabbit!

 

I saw a squirrel! I saw a squirrel. Honest. I saw a squirrel!

I saw a squirrel! I saw a squirrel. Honest. I saw a squirrel!

Unfortunately, Dexter now also answers to “Sit. You bastard”!

An hour later!

An hour later!

More Dick soon.

Have a smashing day.

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