I’ve written about this before in a roundabout way here.
Sometimes it’s like that when I remember something and my brain decides all on its own that I need some extra information as well as some associated facts like all those collective nouns. Most of which I have no use for.
Other times, a part of brain will just spout out some random fact like Donald Ducks middle name. Fauntleroy since you ask. Or that Battersea Power Station is the largest brick-built structure in Europe and took approximately 61,000,000 bricks to build. It might also mention that some of the rooms in the building were used as the set for the inside of the Tardis in early episodes of Dr Who. Having been in there and seen all the buttons, levers and analogue dials, I can believe it. Another time a voice in my head will just pipe up with the fact that most American car horns honk in the key of F. These are entirely random and pop up at any time and for no reason. Usually, the voices in my brain shut up after a few seconds and go back to doing important stuff like keeping me alive by ensuring I continue to breathe, my heart beats and that I stay upright when walking along and don’t bump into stuff.
However, there are times when different parts of my brain want to make a contribution and I end up having full-blown conversations or arguments with them. Unfortunately, these can become quite insulting and sarcasm features a lot.
A little while ago I was clearing my room and came across a music CD. It was Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morissette.
I hadn’t heard it in years. I opened the case to find it was empty. We don’t have CD players in the house any more so not really a problem. My Temporal lobe informed me that it was one of my favourite albums and that You Oughta Know was probably in my Top 5 favourite songs of all time.
You really like the bass and guitar on that track mate. Matt Laug played the drums and Flea and Dave Navarro who were in RHCP at the time played bass and guitar.
How do I know this? I thought.
You’re one of those sad anoraks that always read the sleeve notes so of course you know it. I could probably tell you the name of the printers. I’ll go take a look-see.
Then Occipital suggested I watch the video for You Oughta Know. So I wandered downstairs, fired up my laptop, logged into Youtubbie and for the first ever, I watched the video. (The song and video came out in 1995 and that was at time of either no internet or at the very least, dial-up. I know this because my brain told me so).
I settled down and watched the video with Occipital chatting away in my head:
Y’know, you looked like the guitarist back in the day. He’s undoubtedly better looking than you, but the hair’s the same, same build, same long black hair, wrist band on right wrist, the shades, even the hat! (Read about my hat here). Shame you’re such a chubby boy now.
Do you mind mate? I thought. I’m trying to watch this.
Stop pandering to his ego! said Temporal butting in and disturbing my train of thought.
Look! We know that the recording band were Dave Navarro, Flea and Matt Laug and sure as hell the band in the video isn’t any of them. In fact, the drummer looks incredibly like Taylor Hawkins……
Nah! said Frontal, who had decided to join in.
This was shot in 1995 and Taylor Hawkins would have been like 10 years old then.
So, of course, brain had to find out who the band was in the video. Turns out Temporal was right. The drummer in the video was indeed Taylor Hawkins. The bass player was Chris Chaney and guitarists were Jesse Tobias who may have been the bastard who stole my hat and Nick Lashley. They were Alanis Morissettes touring band.
Well, said Temporal. That’s sorted. By the way, You do know who printed the sleeve notes. I found ’em.
Took your time on that didn’t you? I thought.
Who’s fault is that then?
Mine I suppose but why is it always my fault?
Of course, my girlfriend some years ago. Bit of a hippy. Always wore cheese clothe blouses, no bra and those long skirts. Drop dead gorgeous although seemed to be a bit spaced out.
Yep. That’s her and what did you do one day when you got back from a hard training session?
Oh crap! I knew where this was going. Brains seem to be like women. Always dredging up stupid shit you did decades ago!
You had the meal she prepared for herself didn’t you and she told you not to eat it cos it had magic mushrooms in it didn’t she? And you scoffed the lot didn’t you.
Well I didn’t know they were going to do what they did did I?
What did you think magic mushrooms would do you twerp? Card tricks?
Hey! Come on. Thought Frontal. Give the bloke a break. Back then he was incredibly naive. All he was into was canoeing and sex. This is the guy who when people he knew said they’d smoked some good shit the night before sat and thought ” Why would anyone smoke excrement? Do they smoke their own shit? Someone else’s shit? Dog shit? Horse shit? Why would any one smoke shit? It must smell terribly and who thought it would be a good idea in the first place?” He just thought shrooms gave you a bit of a boost.
Yeah well, he was stupid cos after returning from Kensington Gardens to play with the unicorns and watch the sun go down while saying “OOOOH sparkly” for 30 minutes and nearly getting arrested, what did he do? He had a couple of Suzys home-made ‘chocolate chip’ cookies but it wasn’t chocolate was it? And then you gobbled up the rest of them didn’t you? Got the bloody munchies!
Suddenly, Hypothalamus asked;
Is it me or is it hot in here?
What? I thought. Followed a split second later by the other parts of my brain thinking;
Which worried me slightly as if I had an echo, there couldn’t be much in my head.
Oh for Gods sake, it’s Pituitary getting all menopausal again. Don’t say anything cos it might stab the human in the eye. From inside! It will pass. So the upshot of the human accidentally getting stoned out of his mind and cruising around the Universe on a dragon is that we lost a whole week of his life and Hippocampus where we store memories was traumatized for years and memories are a mess. Everything for a decade or more was filed under “S” for “Stuff”! So yeah, sometimes it takes a while to find memories and it’s not my fault mate.
And so it continued for a while longer with different parts of my brain slagging me off and generally having a good time at my expense. Not that I mind. They keep me company when I’m feeling lonely in a crowded room.
I’m very fond of the voices in my head. They keep me sane.
For info, I’ve just been informed that Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots. Not many people know that.
Have a lovely day.
More Dick soon.
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