I know people who would look at this photograph and think:
“Wet.”
“Cold.”
“Horrid”
Whereas I look at it and think:
“Excitement.”
“Fun.”
“Women in wet tee shirts!”
So what has this to do with a new language?
Well, I am going to learn to sail but before I do, I have to learn the language that sailors use. I will call this language “Nautical”. It’s English Jim but not as we know it.
For instance, the pointy bit at the front is called the “Bow” (as in what a gentleman does when he meets Her Queenliness)
The rear end of a boat is “the stern”.
Left is “port” and right is “starboard”. The floor is “the deck” while a wall is called “a bulkhead”. The driver is called “the helmsman”. “Abreast” is not what you see when a woman is wearing a wet tee shirt unfortunately, it means side by side or by the side of. The “beam” is the widest part of a ship or boat. Downstairs is “below” and upstairs is “atop”. A room is called a “cabin”, the kitchen is “the galley” and the speed of the boat is given in “knots”! Why this should be is beyond me.
Then there’s “athwartship”! (Really? You have got to be kidding me). It means at right angles to the centre line of the boat/ship.
Then you have words where all the vowels have deliberately been removed:
F’r’c’stl’. What’s that then? How do you pronounce it?
M”ns”l. Not a clue.
See? It’s not as easy as you first think. I’m getting there though and once I’ve got it sorted and can speak like an old sea dog, I’ll get on with learning a new foreign language. Probably French.
We have all been to France several times and we murder the French language whenever we can. Recently, on a fairly regular basis, magazines dedicated to French property have started making an appearance.
Then, the other day, PIL asked if we still had the Peter Mayle books, A Year in Provence and Toujours Provence. I said I’d look in amongst the million or so books we have banging about but to no avail. So I went to Waterstones in Canterbury and bought A Year in Provence and, because they didn’t have Toujours, I also bought My Good Life in France by Janine Marsh. I’ll get Toujours some other time. I wrapped the books up, I wrote “Happy Wednesday” on a sticker and presented it to PIL when she got home. They remain unread! Except by me.
I am in no particular rush. By the time CJ finishes school and Uni’ I’ll be getting on a bit so there’s plenty of time.
Then, one day, I will be fluent in Nautical and in French and PIL will suddenly decided it’s time to up sticks, grab our zimmer frames and move to bloody Spain!
Have a brilliant day.
More Dick soon.
iplonker 
I agree with your first 3 statements: wet, cold, horrid – plus, I raise yo seasick. 🙂
Happy “nauticalling”.
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Hahaha. I never thought of being seasick but it doesn’t seem to get me. I do have sympathy with those that do though.
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Just the thought of it makes me green
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Really? But you’re Australian! A broad, sweeping statement I know but I thought Aussies loved everything to do with water
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I do love water, as long as it does not involve a BOAT. 🙂 Oh, and in case you didn’t realise, Oz is made up of land, lots and lots and lots of land 🙂 🙂 🙂
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You sound like PIL. She’s not fond of boats either! I know Oz is pretty gigantic cos I know it takes the train 3 days to cross from Sydney to Perth and I know this because I read Bill Brysons book about his visit to Australia and watched Crocodile Dundee! Never been. Too many deadly creatures – crocs, sharks, jelly fish, fish, snakes, spiders. Not my cup of tea. Wasps are bad enough!
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Ah, well you see, I live int he best part of the best part of OZ, in the Huon Valley in Tasmania. No crocs, no deadly spiders, and as long as you don’t get stupid in the water, no sharks, jelly fish. Snakes, well, they are everywhere, but you just look out for them and give them a wide berth. I have a resident one in my garden waste pile. I’ve never been to most of the mainland, just a couple of short visits to capitals – enough for me, give me the Valley anyday.
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That’s as maybe but I’ve also watched Bugs Bunny and Space Jam (one of my favourite films – Michael Jordan has the acting ability of a piece of driftwood – an outstanding performance), and in amongst Daffy Duck, Lola Bunny, Tweetie Pie and Porkie Pig is …………………… The Tasmanian Devil! No thank you.😄
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Ah, they are endangered now, they have facial tumours, poor, ugly little monsters. Big project on to save them. You only see them in parks. I have never seen one in the wild. They are more scared of us than we are of them anyway (much like most wildlife). Much more concerning is the prevalence of drop-bears!
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Drop bears? Not heard of them girlie. Are they like Gummy Bears? Can you eat ’em? I will google drop bears now.
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🙂 NOT like gummy bears. Be interested in what google says about them 🙂
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Crikey! Dropbears are nasty little critters. Slightly confused though as one of the 10 interesting facts about drop bears is that they can be found everywhere in Australia except Tasmania because not even dropbears want to live there!
Had me going for a while there girlie.
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🙂 T’is why I live here 🙂
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Google, well ok not Google itself but the people who contribute, say drop bears are an Australian wind up for foreigners, tourists and other gullible people who believe every animal in Oz will rip you apart, eat you, poison you and generally do despicable things to you. The blighters won’t drop on you if you put on a false Australian accent, call all other humans either Bruce or Sheila and say “G’day” or “Strewth cobber” every 5 or so minutes.😄
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Well there you go, Google knows the truth 🙂
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Hahaha. You did have me going there girl.
“Drop bears? Drop bears? Not heard of them and David Attenborough certainly hasn’t mentioned on any of his 60000 nature programmes. Must find out about drop bears.”
And now I know. Another item of knowledge to add to my already untidy mind. Thank you so much for increasing my knowledge of the natural world. Have a bloody good day cobbler.
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Cobber, mate, cobber, I will 🙂
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Apparently I only talk cobblers so cobblers it is.
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🙂
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😄
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So…the right and left of the boat are as you face toward the pointy thing?
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Yes that’s right. If you’re looking towards the blunt end (aka ‘the stern’), it would be your other left and right. Hope that’s clear.
PS. My Dad served in the Royal Navy for the last couple of years of WW2, Atlantic convoys and alike, so I do know a lot of the terms. Please don’t let on though.
So nice to have you back.
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It is nice to be back. I was in the US Navy for 3 years, but I didn’t learn the ship terminology – I was based in a hospital, so I guess I didn’t need to know it. But now I understand – thanks to you!!
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I’m glad you understand. Damned if I do!
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