I have been missing from the blogging world for a few weeks now. Mainly this has been due to being very busy not just at work but at home as well. It’s not been helped by struggling to find a subject to write about. My original intention, and Lily Moose will confirm this, was to write about my efforts to build a garden shed. It has to be said that PIL took it all rather well.
Then I thought to myself that really, I have already demonstrated to the World at large that when it comes to DIY I’m a bit of a dork, so why embarrass myself again?
A garden shed is a simple wooden structure. Ours consisted of a two piece floor, two sides, four sections making up the front and rear gables, a two piece roof, a double door and some roofing felt. A simple structure but I still managed to fuck it up! I am fully aware of my shortcomings when it comes to DIY and therefore read the instructions very carefully. I took on board the suggestion that I read them again over a cup of coffee.
In fact, I read them three times over four coffees and then I twice watched the on-line video on how to construct this shed. I immediately hit a problem. The shed was not very big. 8 foot x 4 foot but the written instructions and the video kept going on about ensuring the shed was square! How the bloody hell can a 8×4 shed (a rectangle if my memory serves me correctly) be square? So the first two hours were spent scratching my head.
In the end, I rang a mate of mine up who is a builder and wouldn’t be too sarcastic and he explained it all to me. So I started the build but soon discovered another problem. To build this shed required 4 hands, 3 legs and intelligence. I was deficient in all three areas so I put my tools away and waited until the following day when PIL would be home. The following day arrived and we commenced work on the shed again. Once the walls were fitted, PIL went inside while I carried on with the build. Floor, walls, gables and roof all went up and then it was time to fit the doors in the remaining space. Somehow or another during the construction the gap at the top of the door way was 46 inches (spot on as it happens) but the bottom was 49 inches! Or was it the other way round? My rectangle was no longer square! So I thought, “Bollocks” and spent 14 minutes dismantling what had taken me 4 hours to build, went in doors, had a cup of tea and suffered the laughter and sarcasm. PIL took it all rather well considering.
So then I thought “Do I really want the World to know that once again, when it comes to DIY, I’m a complete pillock?”
PIL already thinks I’m a plank.
My kids think I’m a fossil.
So simply put.
No.
So I’ve decided not to write about my shed building escapades. No one needs to know so I’m keeping quiet. Sorry and all that, but I really don’t want to write about it. Instead I think I might write about cars. I like cars. Or tell a real life ghost story. One of my mates has also asked to write as a guest on my blog. Apparently, he wants to “weassure” the World about what he calls “Bwexit” and “The Twump effect”. He may also mention pesky wabbits. We shall see. In the meantime, I have a builder mate to phone about getting a garden shed built.
Have a great day.
More Dick soon.
iplonker 
I’m so glad you didn’t tell me about the garden shed, it would remind me too much of my own (although mine is galvanised) which has a definite lower LH side door, which makes trying to lock it a tussle every time.
So good on ya, I wouldn’t want to be reminded of it. 🙂
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Reminded of what?
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So…it went well then. 😉
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What did? No idea what you’re on about.
How are you girlie?
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Ah, it’s like that is it? Okay, I won’t mention the shed again…oops…
I’m okay, just glad to hear from you. The blogger world has gotten really quiet lately.
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I know. That Moose woman hasn’t been around much. Not heard from Monkey Boy in ages and the kiwi in Oz hasnt written about any pervs she’s dated recently. I have an excuse in that I’ve been making excuses not to build a garden shed but I don’t like to talk about that.
I hope you are well and Spawn is behaving himself
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Ahh, you said the S word…shed.
Monkey Boy is recovering from quite a serious operation, but is still ranting on youtube and is really successful at it. He’s great, but it’s largely American based so I don’t understand all the references. I was thinking of Miss B only yesterday. I do miss that sexy Kiwi. As for me, I’m too lazy…er…I mean tired to blog. Shifty through a few oldies to repost. Demons aren’t usually known for behaving, so Spawn is his usual self.
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Ah so the Monkey has finally had his op. I hope it went well. I think I got the firstbcouple of his voice only thingymebobs but nothing for ages.
I can say shed now cos its up! The shed that is. My mate BUFF put the shed up with a little assistance from me. PIL is chuffed. BUFF has an uncanny resemblance to Desperate Dan, eats like a horse and hit every branch when he fell out of the Ugly Tree. I’ll let you figure out what BUFF stands for.
So glad to hear that Spawn is his usual self. You take care of yourself girlie. Write when you can cos I do miss your humour.xx
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I have spotted where you want wrong. You made a faulty assumption at the very beginning, when you said, “A garden shed is a simple wooden structure.” After that, disaster was inevitable.
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Garden shed? What garden shed? I have absolutely no idea what you’re on about Steve.
(I see your point though mate. A careless assumption on my part. Nothing is simple for me when it comes to DIY, although I did do a reasonable job of redecorating Gregs bedroom. Only a couple of paint drips on the carpet.)
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Who says an imaginary garden shed needs to be square? I wanted a greenhouse – but I am afraid it would be disastrous if we attempted to erect it. Therefore, the greenhouse, more a conservatory, with gables, and pokey things on the roof, still simply exists in my mind.
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But isn’t it nice to think “One day……”
BUFF, my builder friend is arriving at the weekend to put the blasted thing up. I hope I haven’t buggered it up. PIL will be cross if I have!
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My fingers are crossed, that all will turn out well for you!!!!
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So are mine!
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