It was a dark and stormy night. So PIL and I got sloshed. It was March, April, Springtime last year and we were discussing kitchens. As you do. Ours was now getting dated and to be honest, a bit grubby. It needed to be replaced and we were browsing through masses of catalogues extolling the virtues of countless kitchens. The combination of 2,538 different kitchens and the several bottles of a splendid dry white confused us and we decided to wait until after our holiday before going back to the subject. At least, that’s what I think we decided. The dry white really was very splendid and very moreish.
Come the autumn we restarted our thoughts about the kitchen and utility room and what to put on the floors. We researched and we looked. We went to the DIY warehouses, we looked at bespoke kitchens (and passed out when we were told the price). We wanted something that was modern, looked good and was easy to keep clean. We’re both busy people and cleaning the kitchen with three urchins for children was not on our “To Do’ list. We found what we were looking for and were just about to sign the papers when PIL had a change of mind. She wasn’t entirely happy so we continued our search. In the end PIL found what she was looking for, placed the order and every thing was set for the start in the new year. The only thing we kept was the Butler sink in the utility. We already had a new washing machine and tumble dryer in there, we were getting a new dishwasher, one of those big American fridge freezer things and a new Aga Rangemaster cooking range. We would have more cupboards and new floors right through the hall, kitchen and utility. Smashing. The only drawback was that the new cooker was made to order. The company supplying all the units got it for us as they were £300 cheaper than we could find it. It was due, apparently, on 25th January.
So on the 11th January Jason and his team turned up and ripped out our old kitchen. We would live on take aways and microwave meals for a few weeks but I could manage a change to my chicken and pasta or pasta and chicken diet.
As soon as the old units were gone, our new kitchen started to arrive.
I have to say Jason was brilliant. He organised the plasterer, the electrician and the tilers and they did a grand job. We forgot to sort out the tiles we wanted but fortunately remembered two days before the tilers were due and we found exactly what we wanted almost straight away and they were in stock. Result!
One afternoon half way through the refit, Jason was working in the garage cutting up something or other and he said to me;
“Might be a problem mate. I went into the kitchen place to find out when the new cooker is being delivered as I need to organise the electrician and plumber to install it and they told me it’s now not due until 25th February! I don’t think PIL is gonna be too happy with that.”
“Mate not being happy is an understatement. She’s going to be really pissed.” I replied.
“Really pissed about what?” said a voice next to me.
It was PIL and she was home! I told her.
“Right. Someone is going to suffer.” she said.
The loud noise heard in Kent during January wasn’t a small nuclear device detonating. It was PIL on the phone to the kitchen guys. Bloody hell was she ticked off or what?
The excuse they gave was that when they ordered it they were told it would be delivered on the 25th. They assumed January. Sounded weird to me. They owned up to the error and offered a refund. So another month of bloody take aways lay ahead of us.
That evening PIL received a text from Aga Rangemaster thanking her for her order, giving a reference number and saying they would be in contact soon to arrange delivery. She showed it to me and said;
“What do you think of this?”
“Looks to me like they’ve only just received the order.” I said.
The following morning PIL rang Aga and asked when the order had been placed. The chap at the other end said he couldn’t tell us as we weren’t the client, only the destination but he could say that the text is sent out on the day the order is placed. Without fail.
We got a bigger refund.
Then the fridge freezer arrived. We had ordered that. We left it for a day to settle down and then discovered one of the adjustable legs was jammed so it couldn’t be levelled and the internal gasket on the freezer door was perished.
We were supplied with another one.
In the meantime, PIL had got a couple of sample pots of the two colours she was thinking of painting the walls. So we painted a part of the wall and in the interests of democracy, we asked the children which one they preferred. They chose the one we didn’t like and so we ignored their choice and decided on the other one.
Where our new cooker was supposed to be.
Eventually, on the 1st March our new cooker arrived and was installed, completing our new kitchen. It really is the dogs danglies.
Now all we have to do is remember which bloody cupboard everything is in. It takes an age to cook dinner as we can’t remember where the saucepans are, where we put the flour, where the vegetables are in the ginormous fridge or what we did with the plates. Knives and forks? They’re in there somewhere.
In the end though, it has all been worthwhile and I have to say PIL made some brilliant decisions. Next on the list is the bathrooms. Bugger!
Have a great evening.
More Dick soon.
iplonker 
Bathroom? You’ll just have to pee in a bucket for a week, I mean month.
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Hahaha. Lets not even go there mate
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Looks lovely. Where did you buy it from? X
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Who do I have to sacrifice my first born to in order to get an oven like that?
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Hello chick. How are you? I was going to email you to see if you were ok as not heard from you in a while but I guess you’re up to your ears in whatever you are up to your ears in.
I was going to reply last night but I got stuck in a huge jam on the M25 and got home really late. I was sat here thinking “What shall I write?” but all my brain was telling me was “Beer. Need beer.” So I had a beer or two and hit the sack. Day off today so been pottering around in the garden and unjamming our shredder that PIL managed to jam with a bloody great tree trunk!
It is a bloody marvellous piece of kit our new cooker. Got all the bells and whistles. Can’t cook anything on it but it does play a good tune!
Have a brilliant evening and I hope all is well with you and Spawn
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Spawn and I are good thanks Mr D. We’re both still alive, although it’s half term next week so all that could change. Not feeling this blogging lark lately. In fact I think I’ve lost my blogging mojo.
That M25 really is the road to hell. My sis and I were caught at the start of that jam.The tailback was twice the length of the Great Wall Of China.
Heehee, not even gonna ask how PIL got a tree trunk stuck in the shredder but the visual is hilarious.
I would seriously sell my soul for that oven…if I had one. It’s marvellous.
Hope you enjoyed your day off. 🙂
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I joined that bloody jam at the end which quickly became the middle. When it’s good it’s brilliant but God help us when it’s bad.
How can you have lost your blogging mojo? Having said that, I have periods of time where I simply can’t be arsed. Sometimes it’s work commitments which often mean I’m cream crackered and just want to sleep. Other times it’s stuff to do at home and often it’s because I can’t think of anything to write. Then suddenly all these ideas start whizzing around in my head and I start to construct a story in my head and finally I find an hour or so and begin to write. I think you have probably just mislaid your mojo because you’ve had so much going on and you’ll come across it soon enough. Please don’t stop writing though even if all you do is comment on other peoples blogs.
The text I got from PIL about the shredder reads; ” Think I may have broken the shredder! A rather large twig (twig my arse! It’s a bloody tree trunk) is stuck; reverse isn’t working & it smells as though I’ve done something to the motor.” About says it all really. It’s sorted now so I can finish off shredding tomorrow and then once I’ve sorted out the plantings in the new beds in the front garden I can use it as a mulch. Christ that makes me sound soooo fucking old!
More beer required. Have a great half term!
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I’m surprised that babies aren’t conceived whilst people are stuck in their cars waiting for traffic to move along, or that overnight camps aren’t set up along the M25.
Maybe I have just mislaid my blogging mojo. Spawn alone provides a daily wealth of writing material, but I just don’t have the energy. 4 blogs and all of them have been neglected for Facebook games and Pinterest. Need some Vit D…or crack.
Hahaha! I don’t know what’s funnier, PIL’s description of a ‘rather large twig’, or ‘it smells as though I’ve done something to the motor.’
The half term hasn’t even started yet and I’m already praying for death. Have a fantastic day today Mr D.
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You have FOUR blogs!!! Good grief woman. I know about your ‘adult’ one but you have two more? How on Earth do you keep up with it all? Perhaps your mojo is just puffed out and needs a little rest and perhaps you’re suffering from that thing the Swedes get in the wintertime as they get no sunshine and top themselves at an alarming rate (that and having to shop in Ikea). Summertime begins this weekend so plenty of sunshine for you and then you’ll find your mate Mojo resting under a cardboard box. I do have the same problem as I often feel so tired I just can’t be bothered, I have a shower and go to bed rather than write.
PIL is very funny sometimes with her descriptions. An entirely different story if it had been me that had jammed a log in the bloody thing.
The trouble shooting section of the the instructions were bloody useless: under the section for shredder is jammed it said “Remove obstruction”!!! WTF!
Between you, me, the gate post and anyone else reading this, PIL is very sexy when she gets angry. The thing with the oven delivery had me positively drooling as she ripped into various people.
We’re stocking up on food right now as the kids will be eating us out of house and home when the holiday starts although Ed is working now so we’ll only need a small mountain of grub.
Day off again today so it’s back out into the garden shortly to do whatever it is that I’m supposed to be doing. Have a great day girlie.
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The four blogs are being neglected as we speak, although I’m about to post on the fiction one soon. I probably am just blogged out and need a respite, but will continue to visit and comment on my favourite blogs.
You men are weird 😉 There’s a guy I know who professes to love ‘challenging women.’ He loves it when I’m in a rage or being particularly difficult, which is about 99.9% of the time.
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We’re weird? You have 4 blogs on the go and don’t tell anyone about them or how to find and follow them. Or am I already? It’s really not surprising that you’re all blogged out! Whatever you do, don’t give up on Lily Moose but you’re probably right and just need time away for awhile then you can come back and knock us all for six.
PIL isn’t “challenging”. Incomprehensible maybe but that applies to all women. Well, that’s a sweeping statement but I have never understood any woman and that’s probably my downfall. Watching PIL rip into some poor hapless bloke is funny (mainly because it’s them and not me). PIL is well spoken, not posh but just well spoken, never swears and speaks softly whereas I’m more of a “Gawd Blimey Mary Poppins” and drop my aitches all over the place, forty fousand feavvers on a frushes froat type of bloke and only talk loudly because I’m suffering from ‘old persons deafness’! Can you believe that? I went for a medical MOT and mentioned it so the nurse asked a few questions, looked in my ears and she diagnosed me with old persons deafness. I’m not even old! Bloody cheek.
Where was I? Oh yes, I got distracted. Sorry. So she gets on the phone to the kitchen people and starts to ask a few questions in an extremely polite manner and suddenly says “Are you a fucking idiot or what? You fucking moron!” I’m in stitches because I’ve been there and I can just imagine the blokes face. And the fire is back in her eyes and that’s reason enough to love her in my mind.
I cannot imagine you being difficult. As if.
You and Spawn have a cracking Easter and eat loads of chocolate girl.
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https://atticus522.wordpress.com is one of the blogs. The other 2 I couldn’t possibly say. ‘Death by PIL’ is not the way I wanna go if I disclose the address es on here.
Even I find women incomprehensible. If I was a man, I’d be gay.
Hope you’re having a wonderful Easter Mr D. I’m off to eat my body weight in Easter eggs. 🙂
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PIL is lovely. Very feminine and rarely goes off on one. You’d like her.
I’m working over Easter dammit but someones got to do it so why not me?
I will check out your other blog girlie but think you should reveal the other 2 so I can take a butchers.
Enjoy all that chocolate. I’ve taken mine to work and now feel everso slightly ill. Once I start, I have to finish! Take care
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Wow your kitchen turned out great. We just recently had a new stove installed but your stove, that is something. Eventually I am going to tear out our blasted kitchen, it’s circa 1970s with the exception of the appliances, all of which we are slowly replacing. And when did stoves become so ridiculously expensive? I was thinking about getting under the counter refrigerator and freezer but they are more expensive than the huge side-by-sides. It was a good idea, but way out of our price range!
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Thank you. PIL made some pretty amazing decisions and apart from the mishaps with some of the appliances, it was relatively straight forward. Jason, the kitchen fitter, was bloody brilliant and the tradesmen he got to do the tiling, electrics and plastering were first class. We have all their numbers for future use. I think that’s the crux of it. Good trades people can make make or break something like this and if you’re thinking of doing something similar, I would suggest your first priority is sort out who is going to do it. The unit suppliers often know who the best ones are but always check it out and see other examples of their work and make sure you get on together. Their advise can also be invaluable. Our tilers suggested the way the tiles should be laid and the finish. It worked out brilliantly.
Once again my apologies for leaving your comments stranded in my spam folder. Have a great day.
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No problem – some of the comments have ended up in the Spam file on my little Blog site, and I do not know why.
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