The M25

Also known as The London Orbital Motorway because it very nearly completely surrounds London. It doesn’t quite because the section over the River Thames at Dartford is an “A” road so that traffic forbidden from using motorways like horse drawn carriages, mopeds under 50cc, cyclists, tractors and ride on lawn mowers can cross the Thames here. I’m looking forward to seeing a ride on mower chugging along crossing the QEII bridge!

When it’s good it’s very, very good but when it’s bad it’s an absolute bastard! Chris Rea is supposed to have written ‘The Road to Hell’ while stuck in a jam on the M25. Talking Heads “Road to Nowhere’ is also very apt as the whole of the M25s 117 miles doesn’t actually go anywhere except round and round which is why it’s often referred to as the Worlds longest car park. I use it a lot and I need to have a bit of a rant.

Most of the M25 is now 4 or more lanes in each direction but not all of it. So as an “experiment” some bright spark

decided to increase the number of lanes from 3 to 4 in two seperate sections by converting the hard shoulder to a live traffic lane. I travel along the northern section of this experiment on a regular basis. There are little lay-byes every couple of miles for broken down vehicles. I find it amazing that the Highways Agency who are responsible for roads in the UK actually knows EXACTLY where vehicles will breakdown, get a flat tyre or crash into each other so they can take refuge in the Refuge that just happens to be where they have broken down, had a crash or got a flat tyre. A load of bollocks. What actually happens is that the broken down vehicle is left stranded in the middle of the motorway with cars passing at high speed or lorries carrying 40 tons of cargo bearing down on them. (The speed limit in the UK is 70mph but no one goes that slow except trucks and ride on mowers, everyone else is doing at least 80 mph. Except me of course). So the Highways Agency put speed limit signs up saying “40mph”. “Stranded vehicle” and “Queue ahead” which everyone ignores because the Highways Agency forget to turn them off again after the “Stranded vehicle” has been removed, so 7 times out of 10 there’s nothing there. Eventually, drivers come across the obstruction and are forced to stop. A four lane traffic jam forms and quickly lengthens. The emergency services arrive at the end of a 10 mile tailback totally unable to reach the incident because some twit thought it would be a good idea to turn the hard shoulder, which is used by broken down vehicles as a refuge and by the emergency services to get to an incident, into a live traffic lane. It then takes 4 hours to clear a car with a flat tyre.

Last year a truck caught fire. Not a major problem usually but he had no hard shoulder to pull into. The fire spread along the lorry. Traffic built up behind it and at the end of that queue were half a dozen fire engines that were going nowhere. So. More fire engines were despatched from the other direction. By the time they arrived past all the rubber neckers, the lorry was completely engulfed in flames, the sides of the trucks trailer had collapsed and 40 tons of cargo, which was also on fire had fallen out and covered the rest of the carriageway. The tarmac melted and absolute chaos reigned

In February, a lorry broke down and the tailback created was 12 miles long! How do I know this? I know this because it happened during the evening rush hour and Thank God, I was travelling in the opposite direction on my way home.

This is a photo of the traffic jam that I refer to.

One lorry, yes ONE lorry, breaks down and the motorway system around London grinds to a halt. All because some 45 year old idiot

who probably still lives with his mum and dad, wears a cardigan his mum knitted for him, masturbates a lot, can’t drive and travels everywhere by train thought it would be a good idea not to have what is effectively an emergency lane on one of the busiest motorways in Europe.

Cost to the UK? Probably billions in lost time and spoiled goods and an adverse effect on my blood pressure.

I have a message for this person:

My hat is more intelligent than you buster.

NOW

Rant over. Have a great evening by avoiding the M25

More Dick soon.