My Mate Norm and How Gross Can 17 Year Olds Be?

Back in December, I wrote a post about wasps and how they have got me in trouble with the law and with PIL. If I’ve done it correctly, you can read about that here.

On the occasion I was in Wales indulging in a bit of surf kayaking I was with a number of mates.surfkayak1

Norm was one of them.norman-wisdom-2-765x510

He wasn’t actually there at the time of the incident I described. He was nearby though. He was in a local hospital having soothing balms administered to his burnt buttocks by a 25 stone male Welsh nurse who wanted him to wear a sheep skin for some reason. Anyway, how did Norm end up there? As I’ve said before Norm was a tad accident prone and we were 17 or 18 years old at the time. At that age we were pretty much like 17 year olds everywhere. We were gross.fart-meme

We regularly had burping and farting competitions. We would gulp down vast quantities of coke and try to belch the longest sentence possible. I think I once managed “forty fousand feathers on a frushes froat” while belching.homer-simpson-and-fire-belching

To us, this was the funniest thing ever. We would try and outdo each other with the loudest or the longest or the most disgusting fart ever.  Le Petomane had nothing on us. So, did Norm end up in hospital from blow back when he tried to light one of his farts?lightingfarts1

Nope. Lighting farts is bloody dangerous and the grossest thing ever so as 17 year olds we had it down to a fine art.lightingfarts3

No. Norm managed it while playing volleyball! What a dipstick!

If the surf wasn’t too good then we would organise a game of beach volleyball. We would invite some of the young ladies sunbathing on the beach to join us. It didn’t matter that we didn’t have a volleyball net. We had imagination.fl-beach-volleyball-lauderdale-0525h

Admittedly 99.8753% of our imagination was devoted to picturing naked ladies in our smutty little minds but having girls playing meant that, with all those puppies bouncing about we were able, with the aid of a Tic Tac, to imagine the volleyball net more easily.1795705_654136671289369_726465714_n

During the course of one match, Norm jumped for a ball, fell over onto his arse and a huge plume of pale blue smoke erupted from his backside. Without exception we all thought,

“Oh no. Norms done a visible fart. We’ll never match that.”

Then, without exception, we rushed over to him, picked him up and threw him in the sea. He was on fire!lighting-farts

When Norm had fallen on his arse he had ignited a box of matches in his back pocket. He suffered 3rd degree burns to his right buttock and spent the rest of the week avoiding his new best friend the nurse and sitting on a rubber ring until the burns started to heal.

Norms new best friend

Norms new best friend

Finally, I’d just like to apologise. I follow a number of blogs and I often click on the “like” button if I like a post and I regularly make a comment. Sometimes, that comment will be “liked” by someone and, out of curiosity, I will click on it to find out who it was. Often, I do this using my phone. My phone screen is cracked. My phone has a tiddly little key pad. My fingers are like sausages. So I often accidentally “like” my own comment. It’s just I can’t always see where to prod so I just prod and end up feeling foolish. So don’t worry peeps I’m not so far up my own arse I’m inside out, I’m just a plonker.

Have a great day.

More Dick Soon.auto

7 responses to “My Mate Norm and How Gross Can 17 Year Olds Be?

  1. Ouch! My brothers used to capture their farts in a tiny jar, which is a skill I can tell ya and then light them. Once, my older brother made my little sister sniff the contents of the jar…she actually wept with the trauma.

    Poor Norm. He’s the type of person you’d hang out with, because if anything bad were to happen, you’d know that it would happen to Norm, thereby leaving you untouched.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You see what I mean. The skill of capturing farts in jars. Like I say, us chaps have the art of lighting farts down to a fine art. Feel sorry for your sister though. My sister Boo would agree that I was an obnoxious little shit. I wrote about her here
      You’re absolutely spot on about Norm. We were all indestructible because it wouldn’t happen to us, it would happen to Norm. We used to love hanging out in thunder storms!
      Time to go to work. Have a great day

      Liked by 3 people

  2. It’s nearly 4am and I haven’t been able to sleep and so I just read this post and dissolved into a fit of giggles amongst my pillows. Can’t help but love these sorts of anecdotes. My own older brother, now 25, still bottles and lights his farts, and two of my sisters, both in their 20s, have unending burping contests, and also blame their farts on the dog (even though we don’t own one anymore…) I’ve never been particularly on point with any of these endeavors, but I’ve had and I’m sure will continue to have years of deep belly laughs as a direct result.

    Like

    • Despite my many years I still find breaking wind from whichever end very funny. As long as the time and place are right. My sons (23 & nearly 18) seem to be continuing the tradition. Mostly its to wind their mum and sister up. I’m glad you enjoyed it and had a good laugh. I wasn’t too sure how that post would go down but decided “What the hell.”
      What on earth are you still doing up at 4am? I was up then but tgats because I’m working today.

      Like

  3. Best laugh in ages especially as I vaguely knew Norman. Got any good gardening anecdotes to make up our usual set? X from Big Sis

    Like

    • I’m glad you enjoyed it. I knew that any post about farts would make you laugh. I think a gardening post is on its way pretty soon. As to whether its a good gardening story is another matter but shit in one form or another will be involved. See you soon. xxx

      Like

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