In my last post I had a bit of a rant about certain slimy creatures and PIL was a bit put out by the effing and blinding that took place. This post however, I’m sure will be a lot more sedate. Talking of swearing and cursing reminds me of my mate Bunsen. For many years Bunsen was a “chock head” in the British Army.
My mate Bunsen. He looks EXACTLY like this
A chock head is what the rest of the army call the Royal Engineers for a very good reason I’m sure. Anyway, Bunsen finished his career in the army as a senior NCO. He is the only man in the history of the British Army to be reprimanded for the “continuous and persistent use of foul and abusive language towards the sappers under his command.” He is also the only man I know to have mislaid a bridge. I would love to have a been a fly on the wall for that conversation!
This is not the subject I intended writing about.
My working week is a bit odd. I start on a Sunday usually and work until Wednesday some weeks and Thursday on others. Sometimes I’m working away from home for days on end. When I’m home though I think most of the lovely people who read my meanderings know that I like to take Dexter out for a nice long stroll in the boonies and have good look around and a poke about in the undergrowth. You have to be careful what you poke though. I once accidentally poked a wasp’s nest.
Big mistake! I ran off screaming like a girl but I didn’t get stung which I think is testament to the speed at which I departed the area. Warp factor 10 and a bit!
Yesterday, we were just strolling along the edge of a field. It was a gloriously sunny day and it was as peaceful as you could wish for. The crops were starting to sprout, some were already in flower, bluebells were springing up all over the wooded areas and hedgerows. The wild garlic was flowering and stopping vampires from pestering me. It was a truly beautiful day. Then rising out of the trees in a display of the most graceful flying I have ever seen were two large birds of prey. The way they swooped and circled each other made me think they were showing off to one another which in turn, made me think that perhaps they were a mating pair and that they had been on the nest so to speak when Dexter and I came along. They moved higher and further along as we walked along and it made me think and hope that maybe in a little while there will be three or four of them swooping about overhead. I certainly hope so. I’m no ornithologist but I think they were buzzards.
A twitcher would know what they were immediately although what Tourettes has to do with bird watching is beyond me. I really do hope that they do breed and there will be a few more beautiful birds gracing the air. As a matter of principle Dexter and I will avoid that area for a week or two so as not to disturb them.
A bit further along and a little while later, a movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. Lots of spiders are now out and about spinning their webs, catching their prey and scoffing it. What I had seen was a fly caught in a web by one of its legs and struggling to escape. The owner of the web had shot out of its lair and was struggling to subdue the fly.
Now despite all the space, right next to this web was another one and in its struggle to subdue the fly, spider 1 must of touched the other web because a slightly larger version of spider1 came rushing out, bit spider 1 and killed it! Nice way to treat a member of your own species I thought. Spiders aren’t that much different to humans after all. While spider 2 was dragging the body of spider 1 back to its hidey hole it, in turn, must have touched another web because a big, black spider suddenly appeared on the scene, bit spider 2 which dropped the carcass of spider 1 and the big bugger dragged spidey 2 back to its dining room for lunch!
Wow! You don’t get to see that every day. I know I keep banging on endlessly about this but today I saw what I hope will lead to new life. I also saw death and nature at its most savage albeit on a small scale and the reason I saw these things, as well as all the other wonderful stuff is because I was looking around admiring the beautiful things our world has to offer us and taking notice of it. To my mind, walking around paying attention is probably the best way to unwind, relax and to realise just how lucky we are. I know I am fortunate to live in the countryside where it’s easy to do this but even in urban areas it’s easily done if you make a little effort.
The fly? It escaped.
I asked PIL to check through this post for me to pick up on any errors. She was extremely pleased there has been no swearing today. Phew. I might get lucky later.
Have a fucking great day!
More Dick soon.
iplonker 
Ooh, I had to scroll right down to the end without reading most of the post Mr D. I have a very bad phobia when it comes to arachnids and can’t even look at pictures of them. Now I feel like I’m missing out on a great post. 😦
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Oh. I’m sorry. I don’t have an issue with them although the rest of the family don’t like them at all. If I’m not about Dexter normally comes to the rescue and stamps the beastie to death so that all PIL has to do is pluck up the courage to clean up the resulting mess and then persuade the kids to climb back down off the ceiling. I shall now pretend to be a tall version of Guido, come to your rescue and remove the offending pictures. Ummm. How do I do that then?
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Mr D, I used to love the little critters when I was younger and would go out into the garden to play with them. Then a very traumatic experience happened, when one of them tried to commit suicide…via my mouth! Since then, I hate them with a passion only reserved for the ex and brussel sprouts. The phobia really is a phobia where I hyperventilate, feel faint/sweaty/dizzy and start trembling. My older sis however, is the type that will open the door to usher them out and bid them a fond farewell, with an invitation that they must visit again soon, as she does. Sick woman!
DO NOT remove the images! I shall read it later with Spawn’s hands shielding the pics. (I can’t even touch the screen) Really Mr D, leave your post exactly as you intended it. But I really appreciate the gesture more then you know.
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Too late girlie. A special post dedicated to you is already published. I can see the connection between sp****s and brussels.
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You’ve just made a life long stalker out of me Mr D!
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Lily Moose, every day I read your post, laugh my head off, cover myself in whatever I happen to be eating or drinking at the time so I end up spending the day looking like a sack of excrement (I daren’t say “shit” in case it upsets PIL!) and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Altering a post so you could read it without getting the screaming abdabs is a small thing in comparison. Monkey Boy thinks the same too. As for stalking. You don’t know where I live. Do you?
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I’m gonna reiterate on what I said previously. Every time I think of throwing in the blogging towel, someone like you or Frank comes along and makes it all seem worthwhile. More importantly, you guys make me enjoy doing it. It reminds me of when I started blogging 4 years and it was like a great community where everyone supported each other, which is something that’s become lost in the last couple of years. You guys truly are wonderful. As for stalking you, I wouldn’t really do that…but if you see a red light blinking in the middle of the night, it may, or may not be a video surveillance camera…just saying…
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Or a laser sight centred on my chest? I’m sorry I made you cry. I agree with you about the sense of community. I started in November last year and to begin with it was a solitary activity (careful) but over the last month or so you, Monkey Boy, SD Gates and a few others have started to contribute with some very supportive remarks as well as some perfect witticisms and that adds so much more to the experience. Reading the comments and replying to them is almost as good as actually writing a post and sometimes, it’s better.
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Oh, it was a cry of happiness. I’d just called Spawn over so that I could use his mahoosive hand shields, when I saw your comment about changing the pictures. (the replacements were so random, that they were hilarious) It was so unexpected and so thoughtful, that it made me weep a little. On my last blog, I 252 followers but only around 5 people who would comment regularly. Those 5 more than made up for the other 247 that weren’t commenting or even reading. Without the regular few, blogging wouldn’t be half a fun. I’m just lucky to have such witty and funny contributors.
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Sorry I suddenly disappeared but I had to get up at “Fug this” o’clock which it now is and I’m probably still incoherent. Anyway, it was a pleasure Lily and hopefully it will continue for quite some time. Tea. Give me tea. I must go and drink tea.
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Seriously? On a Sunday? You poor thing. Hope you enjoy your tea. I’m off to drink a gallon of coffee.
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So why are you up and about at stupid o’clock pray tell?
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Sorry, after I answered your comment, I went off off to do a spot of light housework. Light meaning, ironing Spawn’s clothes, hoovering Spawn’s mess, washing up the dishes that Spawn left overnight, cleaning Spawn’s mess, mopping up Spawn’s spillages, loading the washing machine with Spawn’s clothes, hanging out Spawn’s clothes, cussing my womb for producing Spawn, cussing Spawn, cussing laying with Spawn’s father…you know, the usual everyday stuff.
I was up because I simply don’t sleep. I’ve been an insomniac since 11, but also, I suffer from a condition that doesn’t allow me to get reach the ‘deep sleep’ stage, so I average around 30 minutes of broken napping a night, before I’m up again. Might explain the craziness of my writing style.
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There you go. You have just explained one of the major differences between men and women. I can NEVER remember any stuff I do in the house but PIL, you and I suspect all other women can immediately list what they’ve been up to all day as a demonstration of how vital they are to the well being of mankind!
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We are vital to the well being of mankind. Who else will find the remote control when it’s lost, or make you a sammich when the deadly plague that is Manflu strikes?!
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TV remote? Ha. Not had control of that for donkeys! PIL, daughter, sons, Dexter, next doors cat and the blackbird that nests in our garden have priority on that. Have a great day
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