Like most other days when I’m working, I pop into Starbucks round the corner from where I work to grab a coffee before I start. The staff know me quite well. I walk in and pay, my coffee is ready. Venti latte, extra hot, wet, house bean, to go. Lovely. The other day I walked in and one of the girls working there said to me, “Hello Father Christmas. How’s Rudolph?” I replied I was going to Costas next door from now on. We both laughed. I didn’t go to Costas though. I prefer Starbucks. So now you know.
Apparently, I look like Father Christmas and I have decided therefore to call my beard Nick. Having said that, some of my so-called friends who, as you may be aware, are massive piss takers, have decided I look uncannily like some other old geezer and a photo is now doing the rounds.
I had to trim it up the other day as it was looking a bit unkempt but it’s starting to look like a proper beard so much so that I’m considering a career change. Should I become a Viking Berserker? Probably not. Most Vikings were gingers and I can’t be dealing with that. Don’t like the headgear either.
Perhaps a pirate? Don’t think so. Most images of pirates these days are of that Depp bloke as Cap’n Jack Sparra and that’s not me.
A biker? Can’t ride a motorbike so that’s out of the question.
Love the beard. That’s what I’m heading for. Same amount of hair on our heads too
Father Christmas? The works too seasonal for me so that’s a no too. Papa Smurf then? I may be a Chelsea supporter but I’m not actually blue so that’s out.
A wildlife sanctuary? Well, I’m doing that already but is there any money in it? Certainly worth considering though.
A career change now is a big decision at my age so I’m going to take some time out and seriously think about what I should do in future. I will keep you posted on the beard and on any decision on a career change. watch this space.
The beaver? It’s a regular visitor to my beard now. It gets quite moist. It comes. It goes. I’m looking forward to it coming again very soon. PIL has decided to name it. She calls it Clit EatsWood. Who am I to argue? It’s her beaver.
Have a great day.
More Dick soon
Posted in Humour
Tagged beards, beaver, Berserkers, bikers, career change, Chelsea FC, Christmas, Costa, Father Christmas, gingers, humor, humour, latte, Papa Smurf, PIL, Rudolph, silly, Starbucks, Vikings, wildlife sanctuary
No. Not the TV series. Mates, chums, pals, buddies, colleagues. Call them what you will but people whose company you enjoy. My mates are important to me and I thought I would write about them and share stories and anecdotes with you. I don’t know why some people become friends while others do not. I’ve never really thought about it. My friends are great bunch of people and over the coming weeks and months I will tell tales about some of them. All my mates have nick names that are used on a daily basis. Some, like Bunsen, Beaker, BUFF, Carl and Manny all look like well known characters or things. Some, like Banzai and Betty are, as you will discover, aptly named. Banzai isn’t Japanese and Betty is a bloke. To a great extent the use of nick names demonstrates what a bunch of juveniles we are.
They are a diverse bunch of people but they all have similar traits. Without exception they are cheerful and positive in their outlook towards life. They KNOW there is a silver lining to every cloud and they invariably find it. They see humour everywhere and are merciless piss takers. Although we are all civilians now, three of my buddies served in the British Armed Forces, my bestest best mate is a builder, a high diving coach and fluent in sign language. Another is a hairdresser, while another is a computer whizzkid with a Masters in Management Information Systems. One of my best friends died at the end of 2013 but I will include Waldorf or “H” in the stories. I hope you enjoy them.
My mate “H” a.k.a “Waldorf”
While I was searching for images to use in these stories I came across one that stirred some vague memories. It involved me, BUFF and “H”. We’d had a few beers and were enjoying some fat Cuban cigars BUFF had brought back from his recent holiday in Cuba. We were wankered and sitting in BUFFs hot tub drinking and puffing away. Poor old “H”, due to the combination of beer, cigars and the heat suddenly threw up in the hot tub and we all had to bail out pretty quick. Glad I didn’t have to clear that lot up! Anyway, just before we lapsed into a coma, we had a strange conversation. I don’t think it was the same as the one I’ve shown below but it was similar and the memory of it made me laugh. I hope you enjoy it too.
My nickname? As you will find out in later posts about other things, it seems to be changing but for many years I have been called “G”. I have absolutely no idea why. Perhaps it’s because my mates thought I was always on the “spot”!
Have a great day
More Dick soon
Posted in Mates
Tagged Banzai, Beaker, Betty, buddies, BUFF, Bunsen, Carl, chums, colleagues, cuban cigars, friends, G spot, hot tub, humor, humour, juvenile, Management Information Systems, Manny, nick names, pals, positive outlook, sign language, silliness, silly, silver lining, wankered
I must admit I was a tad disappointed. A little while ago I published a post about ridiculous people wearing sunglasses at night or indoors who thought they looked cool doing so. In my opinion they look stupid but as with so many things there are always exceptions. I said there were only five people on the planet who looked cool wearing sunglasses at night and they are:
1. Ray Charles.
2. Jack Nicholson.
3. Neil Young. (I think he’s singing a song called “Who farted?”
4. Now I have a beard – me!
That’s only four and no one mentioned it! Perhaps the image I used of our good mate Arnie (Get to da chopper) Schwarzenegger confused the issue because he was wearing shades. Nope. It’s not him.
Here’s five more that it’s not.
1. Snoop Pig.
2. Bonio from U2.
3. Russell Brand.
4. Tom Cruise.
5. Justin Bibwearer
I did consider encouraging everyone to nominate who they thought it was but knowing my luck no one would respond and I’d look even more of an idiot than normal. However, if you disagree with my selection, feel free to nominate your own shades at night wearing dipsticks.
For the record, the fifth person on my list is………………………
I hope you have a great day.
More Dick soon
Posted in Humour
Tagged Arnie Schwarzenegger, Bono, dipsticks, humor, humour, Jack Nicholson, Justin Bieber, Neil Young, nominations for dipstick award, Ray Charles, Russell Brand, shades, silly, snoop, Spongebob, sunglasses, sunglasses at night, tom cruise, who farted