Dexter Does Himself A Mischief.

Dexter is our dog and an integral part of the family.1an29xzod1zo7

He is a bonkers dog. Today is his 4th birthday although to be honest we’re not exactly sure of his birth day only that he was probably born in February 2013. There are a lot of unknowns with Dexter. We got him from Battersea Dogs Home when he was about 6 months old. He is a mix of breeds. Battersea think he has a large chunk of Staffordshire Bull Terrier in his genes along with a fairly big chunk of Labrador plus a little bit of Lurcher thrown in. He also had the bollocks from a Giraffe. Boy, he had big balls. They made him walk like John Wayne after a long day in the saddle. They’re gone now though. He also has more energy than a nuclear power plant and he takes his self imposed duties as a guard dog very seriously. He barks at everyone who comes to the door and he barks at people walking down the road. When the family are home and some are downstairs and others are upstairs, he sits half way up the staircase on guard. Before he was restricted to the kitchen at night, he would lie at the top of the stairs watching the front door or lie down between two bedrooms but positioned so he could see the top of the stairs. As he is primarily black, it was dangerous to get up in the middle of the night to pay a visit to the toilet as he was impossible to see and easily tripped over.

His favourite thing though is walkies. He loves it. I put on my walking trousers. “Yay, it’s walkies.” I put on my old coat. “Yay, it’s walkies”. I get his lead and he goes bananas. We get to the fields and I let him off his lead and he goes nuts. He tears about all over the place.ghasjwgf1g5s

“Yay, rabbits. Chase rabbits.”

“Yay, pheasants. Chase pheasants.”

“Yay, a leaf. Chase leaf.”

“Yay, fox poo. Roll in fox poo.”

He runs and runs and runs.13yyrvjmsvmi9-4

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Then he’ll spend some time sniffing about. He never goes too far away. Having been abandoned as a puppy, he has abandonment issues still and likes to keep me in sight.1an29xzod1zo7-1

Eventually, we get home again and he collapses on his bed and sleeps for hours.ghasjwgf1g5s-1

Unfortunately, before Christmas, he tore the cruciate ligament in his left rear leg. It made him limp but it didn’t slow him down. Not knowing what was wrong and because he would only limp about for a few hours, we continued taking him out where he would tear arse about as usual. Eventually, we took him to the vet and the damage was diagnosed. Complete rest for a month. It drove him nuts. He’s been back for x rays. He fought against the anaesthetic and looked like he’d downed 10 pints of Stella with all the staggering around he did before finally succumbing to the drugs.

10 pints of Stella later

10 pints of Stella later

The x rays confirmed the diagnosis. Of course once we got him home again, he milked all the sympathy possible.13yyrvjmsvmi9

The vets had warned that his thermal controls would be affected for a good few hours so we had to ensure he didn’t get cold.13yyrvjmsvmi9-2

So on the 9th March, Dexter goes back to the vets for an operation that will hopefully solve the problem. Another two months of complete rest and recuperation follow the op’ and it will do two things. First and foremost it will drive him mad. Secondly, he’ll become a fat bastard dog. The latter won’t be a problem as once he is ok to go walkies again, he’ll  burn it off in no time. In the meantime, Dexter occupies himself by chasing his tail. Mad bugger. I’ll let you know how he gets on.

Have a brilliant day.

More Dick soon.auto

House Guests

We have a mate staying as a house guest for Christmas. We have known Elmer for a good many years and while we always enjoy his company, he is a bit of a nutcase. He’s a huntin’, shootin’ type of guy which is something we totally disagree with but he’s a decent enough chap in many other ways. He sometimes gets a bee in his bonnet about something or other and he will rabbit on about it for absolutely ages.

Wabbit? Did someone say 'Wabbit'? Where's my twusty wifle?

Wabbit? Did someone say ‘Wabbit’? Where’s my twusty wifle?

See what I mean? Now all he wants to do is use my blog as a platform to spout on about something or other. I’ve decided not to let him and he now has the hump about it. Never mind, maybe another day. Now I’ve got to go and play Cluedo so I’ll pause it here and come back again shortly………

Be vewee, vewwee quiet. Dick had too much to dwink last night, so I'm going to take adwantage and wight a post on his bwog.

Be vewee, vewwee quiet. Dick had too much to dwink last night, so I’m going to take adwantage and wight a post on his bwog.

I have gwown incweasingwy concewned with all the tewwible things going on.

In Bwitain, we have had a wefewendum wegarding the Euwopean Union and we decided to weave. Or wather, the Engwish and the Welsh did. The Scots voted almost to a man to wemain and are using this is as an excuse to demand another wefewendum on Scottish independence. The Judiciawy were asked to decide on whether this decision to leave should go befowe Parwiament and because they said that it should, they were attacked by the pwess and others for making a deciswion on a law made and passed by powiticians. The countwy wemains divided and no one is weally sure what is going on, weast of all me.

In the United States, the ‘peepul’ voted a man who conswiders it as alwight to gwab a woman by the bottom as their new Pwesident. On his staff is a White Supwemacist. He intends making a man who considers Islam “a cancer” head of the CIA. A man with a Charwie Chapwin moustache thought the same thing about Jews in the 1930s and 40s. Pwesident elect Donald Duck Twump intends having a former US Marine General as Defense Secwetawee. This chap thinks “war is fun” and shooting people is “a hoot”. He turned up to a meeting with a number of Elders and Militia leaders in Fallujah and said, “I come in peace….. I have no artillery….. Fuck with me and I will kill you all.” Sounds wike a fun guy.

The whole World is appawently going to the dogs but then something else happened that convinced me otherwise.

 

 

I watched a Bwitish bwoke with ginger hair standing on a tower 74 metres above a wiver with a chocowate Hob Nob in his hand. He was attached to the tower with a gloweefied ewastic band. He waunched himself into the air and a second or so later, dunked his chocowate Hob Nob into a cup of tea and got himself into the Guinness Book of Wecords.

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It made me larf at the cwazyness of it and it also made me thwink of all the other cwazy stuff people do. The Wedbull Flugtag and the Wedbull Soapbox waces are just a couple of examples.

Competitors - Action

soapbox

Then there is the Cheese chase down a steep hill in Gloucestershire.

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Limbs are bwoken, heads are cwacked, hospitals are filled with casualties and yet hundweds of people turn up year after year to take part. The World is full of nutters intent on having a gwaet time.

It was then that I wealised that all was ok with the World and could weassure evewee one that it was so.

Well, until Pwesident Twump gets his hands on the nuclear codes that is.

 

Errrr. What’s going on here Elmer?

Oooops. Busted! Sowwy Dick. I couldn’t wesist it.

It’s ok Elmer. I suppose it could have been worse. It could have been Daffy Duck who came to stay for Christmas.

Ta Dah

Ta Dah

Oh good grief. Daffy?

Yeth Dick?

Yeth Dick?

Do one mate.

Charming

Charming

Bloody hell. At this rate, Porkie Pig will make an appearance.

P..p..p..p..p..p..Pardon me. D..d..d..d..d Did someone c..c..c..c..c.. Did some one call?

P..p..p..p..p..p..Pardon me. D..d..d..d..d Did someone c..c..c..c..c.. Did some one call?

 

Dear Lord. Give me strength

Dear Lord. Give me strength

 

I hope you all had a bloody great Christmas and I wish you a fantastic, happy, healthy and prosperous New Year.

Finally, a word of advise for all the perverts out there who bought handcuffs as Christmas gifts for their wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends and in certain parts of the United States, cousins:

bastard

 

More Dick soon.

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Chuffed

I admit to feeling a bit chuffed with myself.

Over the last few days not only have I redecorated Gregs bedroom but I have also managed to install a new ceiling light in the dining room and two wall lights in the living room.

Why am I chuffed?

I didn’t burn the house down! Result

Have a great day.

More Dick soon

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Shed? Oh. That Shed.

It’s up! The shed that is. So now I can talk about it. My builder mate BUFF came over and with just a tiny bit of assistance from me and in a few hours it was done. PIl is one very happy bunny. And I have some peace and quiet.

BUFF hard at it

BUFF hard at it

One completed, square, rectangular shed!

One completed, square, rectangular shed!

Have a great day.

More Dick soon

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Do I really?

I have been missing from the blogging world for a few weeks now. Mainly this has been due to being very busy not just at work but at home as well. It’s not been helped by struggling to find a subject to write about. My original intention, and Lily Moose will confirm this, was to write about my efforts to build a garden shed. It has to be said that PIL took it all rather well.

Then I thought to myself that really, I have already demonstrated to the World at large that when it comes to DIY I’m a bit of a dork, so why embarrass myself again?

dork

 

A garden shed is a simple wooden structure. Ours consisted of a two piece floor, two sides, four sections making up the front and rear gables, a two piece roof, a double door and some roofing felt. A simple structure but I still managed to fuck it up! I am fully aware of my shortcomings when it comes to DIY and therefore read the instructions very carefully. I took on board the suggestion that I read them again over a cup of coffee.

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In fact, I read them three times over four coffees and then I twice watched the on-line video on how to construct this shed. I immediately hit a problem. The shed was not very big. 8 foot x 4 foot but the written instructions and the video kept going on about ensuring the shed was square! How the bloody hell can a 8×4 shed (a rectangle if my memory serves me correctly) be square? So the first two hours were spent scratching my head.

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In the end, I rang a mate of mine up who is a builder and wouldn’t be too sarcastic and he explained it all to me. So I started the build but soon discovered another problem. To build this shed required 4 hands, 3 legs and intelligence. I was deficient in all three areas so I put my tools away and waited until the following day when PIL would be home. The following day arrived and we commenced work on the shed again. Once the walls were fitted, PIL went inside while I carried on with the build. Floor, walls, gables and roof all went up and then it was time to fit the doors in the remaining space. Somehow or another during the construction the gap at the top of the door way was 46 inches (spot on as it happens) but the bottom was 49 inches! Or was it the other way round? My rectangle was no longer square! So I thought, “Bollocks” and spent 14 minutes dismantling what had taken me 4 hours to build, went in doors, had a cup of tea and suffered the laughter and sarcasm. PIL took it all rather well considering.

So then I thought “Do I really want the World to know that once again, when it comes to DIY, I’m a complete pillock?”

PIL already thinks I’m a plank.

Plank

 

My kids think I’m a fossil.

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So simply put.

No.

So I’ve decided not to write about my shed building escapades. No one needs to know so I’m keeping quiet. Sorry and all that, but I really don’t want to write about it. Instead I think I might write about cars. I like cars. Or tell a real life ghost story. One of my mates has also asked to write  as a guest on my blog. Apparently, he wants to “weassure” the World about what he calls “Bwexit” and “The Twump effect”. He may also mention pesky wabbits. We shall see. In the meantime, I have a builder mate to phone about getting a garden shed built.

Have a great day.

More Dick soon.

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The Garden

Last summer, I decided to change our front garden. PIL was in full agreement. One side of the driveway had already been done and was established and looking good, even if I do say so myself! It had that packed, cottage garden look that both PIL and I like.20160709_130151

The other side was a tatty bit of lawn that really was a bit of pain with having to drag the mower around from the back garden and mow a bit of lawn covered in bald patches.

Part of the front garden before we went on holiday to Florida at the beginning of July

Part of the front garden before we went on holiday to Florida at the beginning of July 2015

So last year I started on it. Now considering that it was a relatively small area, it’s taken an age to get it sorted but that really came down to time and the fact that a lot needed doing to it. I began by removing the remaining grass.

Front garden two weeks after our return from holiday

Front garden two weeks after our return from holiday

Rather than using chemicals, I just took off the top layer. It would mean that grass would sprout up in a few places again but it would be easy enough to pull out and it would eventually disappear completely.

The front garden just before I went to Wales at the end of August.

The front garden just before I went to Wales at the end of August.

Then I turned the soil over and removed all the rubble that the builders had buried. I then dug in some pea gravel to improve the drainage. It’s London clay around here so it’s like concrete when dry and an absolute bog when wet. After levelling out again, I covered it in half of ton of well rotted horse muck that I got from my sister. I could of done with another ton but I made do with what I had.20150918_134248

Horse muck dug in and ready to plant. It's now mid September!

Horse muck dug in and ready to plant. It’s now mid September 2015!

Then I began the process of planting up. I put in bulbs, I put a couple of hebes in but the main planting was of hardy perennials. I like perennials. You put them in the ground and they grow and they spread so every 3 or 4 years you divide them up and hey presto, free plants! Brilliant.

Planting up begins. It's now October.

Planting up begins. It’s now October 2015

20151007_114408I had an idea in my head of what I was trying to achieve. I was after a cottage garden effect again and that meant lots of plants but I had to be careful as plants spread if they’re happy and I had to leave space for that to happen. For instance, Echinacea or Cone flowers start off with a couple of flowering stems but quickly establish into a clump nearly 2 feet across. I also wanted to attract wild life into the garden. Attract insects and birds follow. Plant open flowers like cone flowers, geraniums and Rudbeckia and bees, butterflies and hover flies arrive in masses.20160803_120828

Now I read somewhere that bees “see” ultra violet as well as other colours and they are drawn towards purples and mauves so a lot of the plants in my garden are purple or mauve along with plenty of red splashed around with blobs of blue and yellow dotted here and there with some white flowers in the mix too. It sounds awful and I must admit I thought it would look terrible. I’ll let you decide.20160803_120839

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There are mistakes that I am in the process of rectifying. When the Lupins and Astibles planted in the centre died back at the end of July, there was no height in that particular section of the garden. I have plants out there that I can divide and replant that flower later in the year and provide some height. Fingers crossed that it works. I need to move the asters which are in flower now but are being crowded out. The sedum is also in flower and both it and asters are an excellent source of late season nectar for bugs. The sedum needs dividing though. Never mind, I’ll get another plant or two out of this!20160802_111236

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The best time to divide plants or move them is either now when the soil is still warm and roots can start to establish or in the spring once the ground has warmed up a bit. Of course, you can plant stuff all during the summer too.20160802_111230

 

20160812_091813Here’s a little snippet of information that I read recently that is of particular interest if you have any apple trees. We don’t, although some years ago we had about an acre of old orchard. We never actually did anything with it and that’s something I regret. One day, I’ll grow an apple tree or two. My sister has a couple so this will be of interest. Listen up Boo. Apples often suffer from “scab”, it doesn’t make the fruit inedible but it doesn’t look very nice. (what scab does?). Planting bulbs under the tree helps to stop scab and if those bulbs happen to be wild garlic, it can completely stop the appearance of scab on apples. Only one problem. Wild garlic spreads like Billy Oh so be careful. Mind you, wild garlic is pretty cool anyway. Eating the leaves raw or cooked is apparently very good for you, tastes good, smells good if you walk on it AND it keeps vampires at bay to boot! A miracle plant if ever there was one. The woods around here are full of it and I love walking through it all in the springtime. Next Spring, I intend cutting some leaves and bringing it home for use in the kitchen. (Mainly to disguise the smell of burning).

One of the nice things about flower gardens and cottage gardens in particular, is the way that a seed will settle somewhere, think to itself, “I like it here” and up pops a plant in the most unexpected and usually brilliant place.20160622_091658

Once I have the front sorted, it will be time to go and sort out the somewhat neglected back garden. Having said that, I quite like the slightly dishevelled look of our lawn. It’s full of daisies and clover and that, in turn, brings lots of bees and bugs into the garden. There is a hedgehog house out there now and a bird box to put up. I’m looking forward to it. Not so sure my back is though!

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On that note, it is time to go. My son is due at the station soon and I need to go pick him up. PIL is busy watching The Great British Bake-Off. She’s discovering new ways to burn stuff I think.

I hope you have a truly fantastic evening. Until the next time peeps…..

More Dick soon.

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An Announcement.

The other day while perusing the interweb I discovered a claim that I had endorsed an imbecile!

Following the endorsement of Democrat US Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton

hillaryclinton

by The Simpsons,

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the Republicans were desperate to find a cartoon character to endorse their own Presidential candidate, Donald Trump.

 (AP Photo/LM Otero)

(AP Photo/LM Otero)

trump; vulgar. to fart.

fart; an emission of noxious gases from the anus.

In early August it was announced in Newsthump that the Republicans had found such a character. Dick Dastardly.

W.T.F.!

While I have never met the bloke, I consider the Trump to be a complete looney toon and there is no way I would endorse this man. Further investigation was needed.

Can you really believe this shit? The Presidential candidates for the most powerful and richest nation on the planet have to be endorsed by cartoon characters. God help us all!

It quickly became apparent that there is more than one Dick Dastardly! Who’d have thought it?

There is me, the cool, sophisticated, handsome, debonair chap of the World and then there is this other bloke who is a cheat, a liar, a thoroughly nasty egg who frequently tied up Penelope Pitstop, the lucky dog filthy pervert

penelope-4

and a ruffian of the worse order. He has been accused of war crimes whilst the leader of The Vulture Squadron and is wanted by British police for contravening the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981 (as amended) for cruelty towards pigeons. Us Brits don’t mind you taking pot shots at pigeons with a shotgun but machine guns are so dreadfully unfair. Bang the blighter up for 10 years I say!

However, there is a fundamental difference between me and the other rascal.

The other Dick Dastardly is a cartoon Dick.

Whereas I am a real Dick!

So there you have it. It wasn’t me so you can all rest easy in your beds.

As a by the by, When the Trump was informed of the other Dick Dastardlys endorsement it is claimed he exclaimed; “I love Dick!”

Why am I not surprised?

Have an outstanding day.

More Dick soon.

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A Meeting

It was the cold that woke me up. For a brief moment I thought that PIL was sharing my bed again and had stolen all the duvet like she used to. Wishful thinking on my part. I rolled over and saw the figure sitting on the sofa by the window. The figure appeared to be tall and slim and was wearing some kind of hooded shroud. I couldn’t see its face. There was a scythe lying across its lap.

“Are you Death?” I asked.

“I am” the figure replied

“Have you come for me?”

“I have”. Came the reply.

“Don’t say much do you mate?”

“Not much to say.” he replied. The voice was definitely male.

I sat up, as I had decided long ago that I would not face death lying down.

“Well, I’d sooner not go just yet if that’s ok with you.”

“Many people say that to me y’know. Not all, but a fair number. It rarely changes anything.”

“It’s just that I still have a great many things to do and see and achieve and being dead won’t help.”

“So what is it that is so important that I cannot take you now?” asked Death.

“There are quite a few things actually. I would really like to see my children grow up, graduate from University, marry and have kids themselves. It would be nice to see my grandchildren.”

“Is that it?”

“I also want to learn to sail and speak French.” I replied

“You mean you don’t want to cure cancer, stop pollution and save the environment?” came the slightly sarcastic reply.

“All fine ambitions” I answered, ” and stopping Mankind’s inhumanity towards Mankind would also be pretty good but I know my limitations. I am a simple man with simple ambitions.”

Death picked up his scythe and put it to one side. I started breathing again. I hadn’t realise I was holding my breathe.

“I have to take a soul. If not yours, then whose?” he said.

“Mate, if you’re saying that if you don’t take me you will take one of my kids or PIL, then take me now. There is no way you are taking any of them. I will fight you with everything I have to stop that happening.”

Death laughed for a second or two then stopped and appeared to be thinking.

“What about the dog? Dogs have souls.” he said after a few seconds.

“That’s not really fair on the dog is it?” I answered. “He’s done nothing wrong, he had an awful start to his life and he’s happy here. He may be as daft as a brush but no, take me if you have to take anyone.”

Death was quiet for a few minutes. I guess he was thinking again. Finally, he spoke again.

“We’ve met before.” he said. That was a bit unexpected.

“Er. I don’t think so bud. I’d remember something like meeting you.”

“No, no, no.” Death exclaimed. “What I mean is that I was taking someone and you were there. You wouldn’t have seen me but I saw you. Three times in fact.”

“Were you there when my parents died?” I asked.

“No.” he said. “That would have been one of my brothers. I have a great many brothers. I was there when your work colleague, Robbie died. The heart attack killed him before he hit the floor so your attempts at CPR were fruitless.”

“Thanks pal. That makes me feel so much better.”

“My pleasure. You really didn’t need to beat yourself up about that but I suppose you weren’t to know. I was also there for the man who got flung out of the car and lost the top of his head. You comforted him while he died.”

“I remember. It seemed to take ages for him to die but he didn’t appear to be in any pain. I was covered in blood and his brains when I finally got up.”

“You’re right. He wasn’t in pain but sometimes these things need to take their course. Did you go and see his wife?”

“I did.” I replied. “I left it a couple of days and then went to see her.”

“Why did you go?”

“He asked me to tell his wife that he loved her and that he was sorry. Seemed to me to be the least I could do. It wasn’t the best time of my life that’s for sure but if you can’t grant a dying mans wish, then what does that make you?”

“I see.” said Death.

“When was the third time?”

“I was there to take your friend when he got trapped in his canoe and drowned.”

“Jean-Claude?”

“Yes. You and your friend tried to pull him out. You did a very dangerous thing. I nearly came away with three that time. So why did you and Omar place yourself in so much danger? Was it because he was a friend?”

“Jean-Claude was a very good friend. We only really saw him at races, but no, we would have done the same thing irrespective of who it was. It’s a dangerous sport and if someone is in the shit, you help. Omar and I always took that attitude and we hoped that if we were ever in trouble, someone would help us.”

Death stood up and picked up his scythe.

“Oh shit.” I thought. “Play for time.”

“Tell me something Death. Why do you wear that shroudy hoodie thing? Doesn’t it freak out the people you’ve come for? It’s freaking me out!”

“You’re right. It does and we recently tried wearing suits. Some of my brothers wore Armani. Others wore Boss. I went the Tom Ford route. I preferred the cut. Unfortunately, it confused the dying. They see a smiling face in an expensive suit and they think the Worlds greatest medic has arrived to save them.”

“Surely the scythe gives it away?” I asked.

“People see what they want to see. Besides, it was costing the Boss a fortune in dry cleaning bills. So we wear these. Easy to keep clean. Chuck ’em in the machine on a cool wash and ‘Hey Presto’. I’m going now. You have persuaded me to leave you until another time. Next time we meet, and it will be me, you will be coming with me.”

“Thank you. I hope I don’t see you anytime soon.” I said.

“I don’t know when it will be but I really do hope you learn to sail and speak French.”

I woke up at 7am as usual and staggered downstairs as usual. CJ was in the living room.

“Good morning sweetness”, I said. “Boy, did I have a weird dream last night.”

“Ewwww Dad. I really don’t want to know.”

“What?”

“I’ve heard about THOSE dreams boys have.”

“What?” I said again.

” Yes. You dream about naked women and make a mess on the bed sheets.”

“What? What? It wasn’t that kind of dream. Where did you find out about this stuff anyway?”

“School. Sex education. Boys are disgusting.”

“Jesus girl. I really don’t want to be having this conversation. I haven’t had a cup of tea yet.”

“Well, you started it.”

“What? Ok, whatever. Where’s Mum?”

“She went to see Richard. Y’know, he lives round the corner.”

“I know where he lives sweetness. I take it she’s gone to wish him ‘Good luck’ in the marathon he and his wife are running in today?”

“No, Richards wife..”

“Elizabeth.”

“Yes. Elizabeth. She died suddenly in her sleep last night.”

 

More Dick soon.

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Holiday. Pt2

Have you ever noticed how when you’re having the time of your life, time just gallops by? So much for that Einstein bloke and his theories.

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We were having a great time. Le Telfair had everything we needed, swimming pools, a beautiful beach, lovely sea,

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cold beer, gorgeous food, fantastic rooms and amazing views. So much so that we had no real desire to go off exploring. We did take one trip out on a sailing boat to visit a “paradise” island. It wasn’t called Paradise Island and I’m not entirely convinced it was an island. We were taken to the East coast in a minibus. The locals drive on the right side, which is the left. In keeping with their French origins, they do like to drive in the middle of the road whenever possible though. And sometimes, they drive there even when it isn’t possible. We went aboard a beautiful catamaran. There was us lot plus about half a dozen other people. We set sail by starting the outboard motors and headed off into the Indian Ocean.

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We slobbed out at the pointy end at the front and drank beer.

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The crew was very pleasant even if they did look like pirates. After a while the crew chucked the anchor over the side and some of the passengers went snorkelling. We didn’t. There are sharks in the Indian Ocean and we didn’t fancy becoming a meal. The crew cooked up a barbecue and we had a lovely meal of freshly caught barbecued fish and more beer. It was sublime! It was on this little voyage that I discovered exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to do nothing more than sit on the little seat at the front of a catamaran, drinking beer, sailing around the Ocean and saying nautical things like;

“Avast behind!”

or

“Shiver me timbers”

or even,

“Arrr. Jim lad.”

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Eventually, we arrived at the paradise island. We took a small boat to look at a waterfall, which was very nice.

CJ and Ed as we headed off to the waterfall.

CJ and Ed as we headed off to the waterfall.

Then we went ashore to spend a couple of hours poking about. I have to say that it was just like you imagine a Paradise Island to be with white, sandy beaches, cool seas, palm trees and a Swiss family called Robinson strolling along the beach.

This really is the island we visited.

This really is the island we visited.

That is, if you took the 3027 other people who were also visiting off the island and dumped them far out to sea. Bit of a disappointment that. We set sail again only this time we did set sail and cruised away and the incredible sense of happiness and well-being returned to us once more.

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We returned to Le Telfair just as the sun began to set.

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I don’t think I have seen us all quite so relaxed, happy and contented.

The boys decided to play another round of golf. PIL and CJ went with them after promising not to be abusive about the standard of play they were about to witness. I must say now that while Ed and Greg will never be pro golfers, they play a damned sight better than any of us could.

I decided not to go and instead sit by the pool, catch some rays, go pinker and read one of my books. I grabbed a book and made like a German and laid out towels over several sun loungers. I settled down and started to read, but not for long. The book I was reading was by a well-respected military historian named Antony Beevor and was entitled “ARDENNES 1944. HITLERS LAST GAMBLE” and it was about the Nazis attack more commonly called “The Battle of the Bulge”. After reading about 2 pages, I realised that very much like the US 101st Airborne Division in Bastogne during this campaign, I was surrounded by Germans!

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Probably not the best choice of reading material under the circumstances. I returned to my room to find another book. I had one written by the author, poet, comedian and general raving lunatic, the late Spike Milligan. He is reputed to have engraved on his gravestone “I told you I was ill”. My kind of bloke. Anyway, the book of his I had with me was entitled “ADOLF HITLER. MY PART IN HIS DOWNFALL.” Hmmmm. Probably not.

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In the end I took a book by Clarkson and had a jolly good browse through that while I singed around the edges. Everyone else eventually returned. Out of the 12 balls they took with them, they had 2 left but they had all had a bloody good time.

There was also a gym on site so from time to time we all took a wander down there and had a workout

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but generally all we did was chill out and relax. We walked along the beach. We indulged in good conversation. Sometimes we did both at the same time.

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All good things come to an end eventually and unfortunately, so did our holiday in Mauritius. We had an absolutely blinding time there. We loved every second of our stay. Would we go again? Absolutely. Have to save up for a while though so not anytime soon. On that note, the Rio Olympics are on TV now so I’m off to watch that. Team GB are doing well so far and we won Gold and Silver in the slalom event which was good. CJ is glued to the swimming and the Womens hockey. She wants to know why ladies netball isn’t an Olympic event especially as the mens version is.

Have a great day.

More Dick soon.

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Slug repellent results

Last year, I thought I had found a way of stopping slugs from chomping their way through my plants. I had seen that slugs and snails didn’t eat stinging nettles so I decided to make up a liquid from lots of stinging nettles and water. Unfortunately, PIL, being unaware of my experiment, threw the resultant liquid away. She then absolutely forbade me from using hostas ( a particular favourite of slugs) as the target plants as she is very fond of them. Hostas that is, not slugs.

So this year I tried again without saying a word to PIL. I made up the liquor from fresh stinging nettles and then soaked a couple of hostas in the special, organic liquid. I did this just before we went away on holiday. We returned the other week and the results were immediately apparent.

 

 

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Bugger!

Boy, is PIL ticked off or what? I am definitely in the dog house now.

Back to the drawing board.

Have a bloody marvellous day.

I’ve just noticed. This is my 100th post! Congratulations to me then.

More Dick soon.auto